Because of You
by SMCrow
Summary: Bella has suffered for years not knowing she didn't have to be. Lies and tragedy lead Bella to a little town where the people have been missing her terribly. AH
1. Long Time Coming

Never take Psychology 101. This class will make you wonder if you, yourself, have a disorder. I feel that this class has given me one. Some type of opposite insomnia.

As I sat and wiggled the pen between my middle and pointer fingers I debated about my long summer. I could take a few summer courses; ASU offered several. I figured if I took about twelve credit hours I could bump up my graduation to an earlier semester. Not that I really should be worried about that now. I wouldn't be starting college until the Fall semester anyway.

And I seriously couldn't wait to start college. I wanted to get a new job once school let out and save some money so I could live in the dorms...like normal students do. If I could save enough money to move out of my house now? I'd be...just happy. Happy to get away.

Class ended promptly at three o'clock. I grabbed my book bag and made my way out of the building and towards the parking lot. I had recently purchased an '04 Ford Focus with the money I had made from the Starbucks in town. Not an ideal job but much better than fast food.

I started my Focus and headed back towards home.

As I pulled down my familiar street I noticed a Phoenix trooper sitting outside my house. I narrowed my eyes in confusion as I pulled into my driveway. I tried to think back to anything that would explain his presence, but came up with absolute blanks. I figured it had something to do with my mother and father; the cops had been called on several occasions for their domestic disputes. That was one on the reasons I had learned to keep to myself throughout my life. I was embarrassed. Even in a large city like Phoenix, word gets around.

I stepped out of my car as the cop started approaching me. I felt my palms start to sweat and my heart started beating a little more erratically. I took a deep breath and looked the cop in the eye. I had learned they could smell fear.

"Isabella Dwyer?" asked the cop as he searched my eyes. I nodded nervously as I fingered the hem of my t-shirt.

I noticed the cop take a deep breath, "My name is Officer Stewart. I'm afraid I have some bad news." His eyes squinted with what I could tell was pity and I could feel my heart stop at that point, waiting for the bad news soon to follow.

"I'm afraid your parents, Phillip and Renee, were in an automobile accident this afternoon. Miss, they didn't make it."

The breath I had been holding left my lungs in a _whoosh _as I felt my whole body cave in on itself. _My parents. Mom. Dad. Phil. Renee. Alone._

I was vaguely aware of the cop kneeling down near my trembling body and rubbing his hand up and down my back in, what I assumed was, a calming motion. It didn't do much.

"Is there someone I can call, Miss? A relative, perhaps? Maybe a friend?"

I could feel the tell-tale signs of tears as my eyes prickled, but I refused to give in. I wouldn't do it. Not in front of this stranger.

I shook my head as my determination rebuilt itself. A distant voice sounded in my mind...

"_Stop being a damn baby! Stop being so fuckin' weak you little brat!"_

Immediately, I was up off the ground, "No, sir, thank you." I grabbed my book bag and marched up the walk to the front of my home and threw the door open with frustration. I didn't even bother to glance back at the cop. My manners were long forgotten in this moment.

I slammed the front door with unnecessary force and threw my bag to the floor. It was then, and only then, that I noticed exactly how alone I was. The house was dark. There wasn't a single light on and, even with the bright, Arizona sun, it looked dark. I glanced around the living area a few times and then, out of nowhere, I collapsed. But I didn't cry. I was told to never cry. Crying was a weakness.


	2. Drowning in Lies

The funeral had been small. And when I say small, I mean insignificant. Meaning there were two coffins, a preacher, and myself. Not that I had expected anyone else to come.

And I hated lawyers. They seemed to talk in circles with me, expecting me to understand their lingo. But, I didn't want to seem bratty. Even if they talked in the same language as I, I probably wouldn't have heard or understood a word they said. I was out of it.

"So, since you are literally the only family your parents had, everything goes to you. Unfortunately, the majority is debt. Any money your parents had will have to go to the bills and debts they left behind." My lawyer, Mr. Larson, gave me a sad smile. I nodded in understanding since I had already assumed that this is what would happen.

My parents, Phil and Renee, hadn't ever been the best providers. I had begun working at the age of fourteen and every penny I made had gone to them. Whether the money I made had gone to bills or booze, I'd probably never know.

I signed a few documents, not that I could tell you what any of it said, and made my way home. The lawyer had promised to take care of everything. Apparently, our house had been on the verge of being taken since my parents had bummed out on their mortgage. A realtor would be around in the next couple of weeks to help sell it off. That money would be going to some more debt my parents had managed to compile. I would be left nothing.

I made a cup of coffee and headed upstairs to my parents' bedroom. I figured I could do as much as possible to make it easier on my lawyer. I would find any and all documents and hand them over. As long as this process got over and done with as soon as possible, I would be happy.

I had phoned my guidance counselor at the school and explained the situation to him. He had commended me on my excellent grades and assured me that missing my final tests wouldn't hinder my g.p.a.. I also told him to cancel my courses for the Fall semester at ASU. I would have to take some time off before I could start college to get my affairs in order and pay off the rest of this debt. School would just have to wait for now.

I wandered over to the dusty file cabinet and wrenched open the top drawer. I was somewhat surprised to find any organization within the cabinet at all. Like I had said before, my parents weren't typical and they definitely weren't organized.

I shifted through some paperwork; it all looked like mere gibberish to me. There were mortgage documents and titles for different cars they had had over the years. Most of those cars had ended up wrecked in drunken rages. I took a moment to laugh at myself humorlessly. The fact that they had managed to survive with their horrible actions this long, surprised me.

I set some of the documents I had deemed important off to the side before I opened the bottom drawer. There was only a cardboard box, covered in dust, at the bottom. I reached in and pulled it out noticing it had the name Forks, WA written in permanent marker on the side.

Forks, WA? _Strange name_.

I opened the box and noticed a pink blanket on top. I reached in and let my fingers feel the softness of the fabric. It was the type of blanket that you would find a newborn wrapped in. In this case, minding the color, it had been a girl.

I set the blanket off to the side and dug in a little deeper. I grabbed a white package, the type of package you would find newly developed pictures in. I opened the flap and picked the small stack out. On top was a picture of a young man, probably mid-twenties, wearing a cop's uniform. The man had dark brown hair that was slightly curled at the ends. Involuntarily, I reached to my own dark, brown hair and began twirling it around my pointer finger.

The man was fairly tall with a muscled build. I'd consider him pretty handsome. He had a mustache and while usually, mustaches weren't my thing, it worked for this guy.

After discovering no printed orange date on the front of the picture, I flipped it over hoping for more clues to the identity of this person.

On the back, written in scribble, was a name. **Charlie Swan '87**

I flipped the picture back over and scrutinized the man again. I shrugged my shoulders and flipped to the next picture.

In this picture was my mother, definitely a younger version, but it was her. I found myself smiling as I noticed no dark circles under her eyes, no bruises on her face, and no drunken haze. I had never seen my mother look so beautiful and lively. She seemed to have a gleam in her eye; slightly mischievous.

What struck me most was the man from the picture before, Charlie Swan, was with my mother in this picture. His arm was around her waist and he seemed to be kissing her temple. They looked unbelievably happy.

I turned the picture over and discovered another clue. **Charlie and Renee . Jan '87**

I was pretty aware that these pictures had been taken the same year I had been born. It was obvious to me that my mother and this man were together, at least in these pictures, and at this time. I briefly wondered how my mom had gone from seeing this man, then to my father, and then having me all in one year. Something really wasn't adding up.

I flipped to the next picture and was slightly shocked. It was my mother and Charlie again, except this time my mother's belly was protruding with apparent pregnancy. _That has to be me in there._

By this point, my hands were shaking. I flipped the picture over hoping that whoever had taken these had continued to leave me little hints. God answered my wish because when looking at the back of the picture, I discovered more. **Charlie, Renee, and baby! Mar. '87**

I flipped back to the front of the picture and stared hard at the couple; especially the man I didn't recognize. That is when I started noticing the similarities. His dark brown hair, slightly curled...like mine. His dark brown eyes...like mine. I had always been told I resembled my mother, but looking at this photograph made me realize that while I had my mother's face, that was all I had from her. This man, though, he looked like...well, he looked like me.

I closed my eyes and pictured Phil. He was blonde and blue-eyed. Him and I looked nothing alike. Not even our temperaments were slightly similar. And I knew that my personality was nothing like my mother's. I had always assumed that I was this way because of how my parents acted; how childish and immature they had always been. I never imagined...

No. This wasn't possible. Phil was my father. Not this man. Not this Charlie. I wasn't that lucky.

I flipped to the next photograph and found Charlie, Renee and another couple, whom I didn't recognize. The couple with them were beautiful. The woman had caramel colored hair and bright green eyes; she was so petite. The man next to her looked like a star from Hollywood. He was blonde and blue-eyed, and just very handsome.

There was a boy standing in front, probably around five years old. He had dark hair that looked like a curly mop on top of his head. His eyes were blue, much like the older man, and he had a deep set of dimples, adorable. He was standing in front of the blonde-haired man.

I noticed then that the woman with caramel hair was holding a little boy in her arms. He couldn't have been more than two years old. He had the strangest colored hair. A lot like the woman but darker...more of a bronze. Even with the young boy being so small I could see emeralds gleaming from his eyes. He was beautiful too.

Renee, in this picture, seemed to be quite a bit more pregnant than in the previous ones. She had her arms cradled around her stomach and she was smiling down at it...at me. It was almost as if she loved me. I couldn't remember a time when she had looked at me like she looked at me there...maybe because I wasn't born yet...

I shook off my feelings and turned the picture over. **Charlie, Renee, Isabella (6 mths along) with Carlisle, Esme, Emmett (5) and Edward (2). June '87**

The baby _was_ me. I guess I had already figured that out since the picture was taken three months before my birth, but where was my father? Where was Phil?

Carlisle, Esme,Emmett, and Edward. I assumed that Carlisle and Esme were the adults since there was a (5) next to the name Emmett and a (2) next to the name Edward. So Edward was the little boy. For some reason, the name suited him. For a brief moment I wondered if he had turned out as beautiful as a young man and then knew he had to of. Then I realized what I was thinking and was shocked with myself. _Where did that come from?_

The pictures were dwindling in number now, only a few left. For some reason, I was scared to look at the rest. But I knew I had to.

The next one was Renee, Charlie, and...a baby. I didn't want to say it was me because the fact that this man Charlie was there and not Phil made me too suspicious. My mother was laying in a hospital bed and my dad was leaning next to it, holding...a baby. He wasn't looking at the camera, he was looking at the child in his arms. I could see the slightest sign of tears that had been running down his cheeks...and he was smiling. I could see the crinkles of his eyes.

I turned the picture over and my shock increased tenfold, even though I had already expected it. **Charlie, Renee, and Isabella! Sept. 13****th****, 1987. 6lbs 5oz 18in **

It was me. I was born September 13th, I was six pounds and five ounces. That was me!

I threw the picture quickly away from me; I'm not sure why. Maybe I was scared or just in serious shock.

I glanced at the next picture and saw Charlie, Renee, and...me. I was still so small. Probably only weeks old. Also in the photo was the other couple, Carlisle and Esme, and the two boys, Emmett and Edward. Emmett was standing next to Carlisle and Carlisle had an arm around Emmett's shoulders. Carlisle was also holding Edward in his lap and Charlie was holding me as my mother and Esme hugged in the middle. Esme, I could tell, was pregnant. It was like we were a family. I had never really had a family before...

Tears were trying to break through, but again, Phil's voice echoed in my head.

"_Crying is for babies you little brat! Suck it up!"_

I shuddered and wrenched open my eyes; afraid if I let the flashback go on, I'd see his face in the familiar drunken rage it always was.

I pushed the memories out of my mind as I decided to get the last picture over with. I flipped it over to face me and, immediately, I smiled. It was the boy Edward. He was wearing a pair of black slacks and a white button down shirt. He looked so cute. He wasn't looking at the camera. He was looking at the baby in his arms. The baby was dressed in a blue dress. The baby didn't have a head full of hair yet, but for being as small as it was, it had quite a bit. It was dark, dark brown, and curly. Edward was smiling at the baby as the baby's little hand rested on his cheek. It was the most precious picture I had ever seen. It almost had my crying...especially when I looked at the back.

**Edward (3) and Isabella (2 mths). Meant to be! Thanksgiving '87**

Meant to be? What did that mean? I grabbed the picture that had held all of us together and looked again at my mother and the woman, Esme, hugging. They must have been very close; they looked like best friends. It sounded like what two best friends _would _cook up. Trying to plan a wedding between their children. I couldn't help but laugh a little. I would have given anything to know that person who my mom must have been back then, because the mother who raised me never looked that happy.

I set the pictures to the side, carefully this time. For some reason, they were too precious. Too special to be misplaced.

I reached into the box again and found a birth certificate. I closed my eyes tightly and breathed in through my nose and out through my mouth a few times before I opened my eyes again. Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw.

It was my birth certificate, but my name was slightly different. **Isabella Marie Swan.**

Not Dwyer. Swan. As in Charlie Swan...

My mother's name was in the correct place but Phil's wasn't. Where I figured I would see his name, in the Father's line, wasn't his. It was Charlie Swan...

I set the certificate down and grabbed the another document out. Divorce Papers. This document stated that the divorce was between my mother and Charlie. The date it was signed was July of '88. Just two months shy of my first birthday...

My eyes were really tearing up, but none would fall; I'd never allow it.

The last thing to be found inside the box was a stack of what looked to be letters. They were bound together by a red ribbon. I undid the ribbon and read the first letter.

_Renee,_

_Babe, I miss you. I miss you so much. Please come home. I am sending these to your mother. I don't know how else to get a hold of you. Please, please come back. _

_I don't know why you left. I did my best, babe. I know Forks isn't the city you dreamed of but if you could just stay long enough to let me get higher up in the ranks, I'll go. I'll go wherever you want, sweetheart. I promise._

_Please, bring our baby home. I miss you and I miss Bells. Please. I want to see my daughter, Renee. I need to see her, and you. I need to make sure you two are okay. Please._

_All my love,_

_Charlie_

My whole body was trembling as I let the letter fall from my fingertips. This man was my father. My true father. And she had left him. Why would she leave him for Phil? Phil was...just horrible! Why!

My fists were clenching relentlessly in little fits of rage. I began shaking my head back and forth, back and forth. Why didn't she tell me? Why would she keep this man from me? Why would she allow Phil into our lives? Why would she allow him to beat... I opened my eyes again, refusing to go down that road. I couldn't think about his horribleness. It would just make me relive it again...and again.

I went through a few more of the letters; they were basically the same. He was pleading with my mother to come home. And he was begging her to bring me back to him. He wanted me with him. My mother had never shown an interest in keeping me around. So why wouldn't she let me have him?

I came to the last letter and read it. It broke my damn heart.

_Renee,_

_I received the divorce documents in the mail today. I don't know what to say. Babe, please, don't do this. I love you. I don't know why you ran from me. You need help, Renee, and we can get that for you. I will do everything to get you help. I know these problems seem to keep coming back, but we'll fix them. You and I together. _

_What about Bella, Renee? What about our daughter? I need her in my life. I can't lose both of you. Please, don't do this. I'll do anything if you'll just let me see her. I'll come wherever and whenever...please._

_All my love, now and always_

_Charlie_

Why...


	3. Coward

I had spent the better part of a week going back through every letter, document, and picture I had found in that box. I had even taken to sleeping with the pink blanket...for some reason, it comforted me.

I had even gotten a littler stalkerish. I had started "googling" Charlie Swan in Forks Washington. Surprisingly, I had found something. Not much. All I had discovered was that he was the chief of police in the small town of Forks. I wasn't able to find much else.

Somewhere during the week I had decided to find him. I doubted very much he wanted anything to do with me. I also doubted I would even have the guts to go face to face with him. But I was going to Forks. I was going to at least see what my life could have been like.

I had contacted my lawyer, Mr. Larson, and informed him of my impromptu trip. He had agreed that me getting away for a little while would probably be for the best. He promised to keep me updated on any and all situations back here with the "after" affairs of Renee and Phil. I had even stopped referring to them as mom and dad. How could I refer to them as that now when I had known that they had kept me from a real father...from a real family. I was feeling completely spiteful.

I packed a bag, just enough to get me through a week, and took out some money from my savings account. If I needed more, which I probably wouldn't, I'd pull out the checkbook. I still had a little money saved from my job on campus.

I had 'map-quested' the directions to Forks and set the directions on the passenger seat as I sped away from my home. Away from my hell.

It would be a two day drive. It would be horrible. But, to torture myself with the what if's was what I intended to do.

The first night I stopped somewhere in California. I slept in my car for a few hours at a truck stop before I was back on the road again.

By the third morning, I crossed into Forks Washington. I glanced down at the box I had discovered my true identity in. It was sitting at the foot of my passenger seat. I figured it would help in identifying the man, Charlie Swan...my father. Like I said, I had no plans to actually speak to him, but I wanted to see his face. Just once.

I could tell, simply by glancing out my window, that this town was small. Very, very small. The kind of town you'd see out in the middle of nowhere. Which was exactly where I was.

I located a small inn, the Dew Drop Inn. I smiled at the name because it just seemed so..so quaint. So comfortable. So welcoming.

I pulled into the parking lot and grabbed my single bag, leaving the box in the car. I would need it.

I walked inside and went straight to the little front desk that had a girl, probably my age, sitting behind it. I could tell she was tall, and quite thin. She had long black hair and square-rimmed glasses over her eyes, as she read a book. Her name-tag read Angela W.

She must have noticed my appearance, because by the time I was in front of her she was already looking at me with a welcoming smile.

"Good morning, how can I help you?"

I smiled back as best as I could, "Hello, I was wondering if I could book a room for the next seven days."

The girl looked shocked, but nodded quickly. I wondered why. This was an inn, right? Wouldn't she be expecting me to ask for a room?

"Well, we're completely vacant. Are you just getting a single room?"

I nodded and pulled out my wallet. She gave me a total, much less than I had originally anticipated, and I paid her. She handed me a room key and directed me towards the hallway I'd find my room in.

It wasn't hard. My room number was 1.

I used the key, and no, not a key card, but an actual key. Since when do inn's still use a normal key?

I pushed open the door after I had unlocked it and stepped inside. It was a beautiful little room. Not what you'd expect to find in a hotel. It had a little bed with a bedside table. On the table was a phone and a bouquet of white roses. The curtains were drawn, but the sun wasn't spilling in. Unfortunately, during my investigations, I had learned that Forks received almost 120 inches of rain a year. It was no surprise that it was dreary outside.

I set my bag on the bed and sat. I wasn't even sure where to start. I figured a nap and shower would be a good place.

I stepped into the small bathroom and was happy to see the cleanliness of it. Most hotels were so dirty and grimy. Not that I had had the privilege of being in many. Only when Phil would kick us out for the night.

I took a quick, but hot shower and returned to my pretty, clean bed. I pulled the covers down and slipped into the wonderfully soft sheets. I was out instantly.

I woke up around noon and felt surprisingly refreshed. I hadn't had that good of sleep in years.

I got up and made the bed, hating how it looked unmade, and changed into a pair of clean jeans and a black t-shirt. I slipped my worn chucks back on and pulled a brush through my hair. After brushing my teeth, I grabbed my purse, making sure to grab my key, and went back out into the lobby.

Angela was still there, and she was reading again. I figured if I had been planning on staying longer, we'd be able to talk. She seemed to like books and I absolutely adored them. Probably why I was planning to be an English Literature major in college.

I walked up to her desk and she gave me another smile

"Sorry to bother you," I said as I looked down, "but is there any good places to eat around here? I'm starved."

Angela smiled more brightly, "Yes, there is a small diner just down the road. It is about all we have here."

I smiled and thanked her before going back out to my car.

I pulled into the diner, pretty easy to find, and got out. The first thing to catch my eye was the amount of cars in the parking lot. I would have been more surprised if I hadn't remembered Angela's words about this place being the only restaurant in town. This was the only place to go eat out.

I made my way up the walk and pushed open the door. A little bell went off, signaling my entrance, and I wish I could have ripped it down before it did.

Everyone in the restaurant stopped and stared at me; I felt like a pariah. Certainly this town wasn't so small that one random girl could stop an entire restaurant. I felt my cheeks flush and I ducked my head down. I stared at the ground as I made my way up to the bar. I was careful to watch my steps. God knows, the last thing I needed to do was really make a fool out of myself by tripping.

I took a seat at the bar stool and finally made the initiative to glance up. An older woman, dressed as a waitress, was smiling at me but her smile was more curious than anything else.

"How can I help you dear?" her tone was so polite that I had to smile.

"Um, I'm not sure yet. Do you have a menu?" My voice was barely above a whisper because I was still very aware of the audience that was still watching. I probably looked like a tomato at this point.

The waitress nodded and reached under the counter. She pulled out a small menu and handed it to me.

I didn't feel like making her stand there and wait so I ordered the first thing I saw. A garden burger and fries.

While I waited for my food I chanced a glance around the small diner. Only a few pairs of eyes still lingered on me, but it could have been worse.

"So, what's your story?" I jumped at the voice and glanced to my right to see an older man. He didn't seem threatening. He smiled at me, but as with the waitress, I could tell he was curious.

"I'm not sure what you mean." I said as loudly as I could make my voice. Just another whisper.

"Well, it isn't every day we have new people 'round here. And you look a bit too young to be on your own."

He seemed slightly concerned for me and it took me a minute to figure out that emotion. I hadn't had someone look at me in a concerned way since my freshman year of high school when I had failed to properly cover up my black eye and bruised cheek. A teacher had noticed and notified my parents. I had been punished and was pulled out to be home-schooled. I wasn't allowed to go back until this past year to be a senior.

"I..uh, well, I'm just passing through." What else could I say? That I was on a mission to see my true father's face one time? I didn't want to make any more of a spectacle of myself.

The man's eyes went even more concerned then, "How old are you, miss?"

I let out a small sigh and smiled, "Eighteen."

He held his hand out towards me, the smile never leaving his face, "I'm Waylon Forge."

"Bella...Dwyer." I don't know why I had wanted to say Swan. Maybe because knowing I had been that once made me sad that I wasn't anymore. I wanted nothing to do with being a Dwyer.

Waylon stopped shaking my hand and looked at me, a new gleam in his eye. I began to blush again under his scrutiny.

"Bella, huh?"

I nodded because I wasn't sure what else to do. Could this man possibly know of me? Could I have known him as a child? Surely, he couldn't know. I'd been gone for almost eighteen years.

He seemed to stop his scrutiny as he let my hand drop from his grasp. Thankfully, my food came then. I ate slowly, fully enjoying the feeling of real food in my stomach again. I had been too afraid to eat on the trip up here for fear that I wouldn't have enough money to stay in the inn.

As I was halfway through my meal, the door ringed again. I noticed that everyone looked up but their eyes held no curiosity as they had at my entrance. I didn't look up though because I wouldn't know who it was I was looking at anyway.

"Good afternoon, Chief!" Said the man, Waylon, next to me. I froze. Chief? Hadn't I discovered that Charlie was the chief?

"Afternoon, Waylon." Said a gruff voice. He was right behind me. My heart was pounding a mile a minute in my chest, my palms were sweating, and my cheeks were completely flushed again. I began to fidget slightly on my stool as I tried to focus on my burger.

The man behind me came and sat on my left side. I was now sandwiched between Waylon and...the chief.

"I'll get the usual, Martha, thanks." I glanced at the waitress who had served me just in time to see her send a gracious smile to the man. I couldn't hold back my curiosity now. Maybe it wasn't him. Maybe they had two chiefs? We had several back in Arizona.

I peeked to my left and took in his profile. His hair was short, but still dark brown with the bare traces of silver. He had a mustache. It was definitely him. An older version, but him all the same.

I grabbed my glass of water and chugged the entire contents down. I had to get out of here. Before I could protest, the waitress had come over and refilled it for me. I was almost angry with her. Didn't she know that I had to get out of here?

The waitress then sat down a plate of food in front of the chief. It was steak and potatoes.

"So, we have a new girl in town for a while chief." Said Waylon from the right side of me. I prayed that he was talking about someone else, but I knew better. Even though I had only been in town for a few hours, it was obvious that didn't have many newcomers. Or passers-through at all.

I could see the chief from my peripheral vision, turn his head towards me and I wanted to die. My face was so hot from my blush.

"I didn't know a new family had moved in." Replied the chief. I wanted to cry then, but I didn't. I didn't have a family. And the two people I had been forced to call family were dead. I was alone.

"She's actually here on her own." Said Waylon. I loved how they were talking about me as if I wasn't here. But then, I realized, I wasn't speaking for myself, so who could blame them?

"Aren't you a little young to be out here on your own?" The chief had asked the same question as Waylon but I felt my eyes prick with tears when I heard the concern in _his _voice. Just that little bit of care made me think about how different my life would have been if my mom would have left me with him. I'd probably be happy.

I took a breath and decided, now or never. I was the one who had wanted to see his face. It was time to see it.

I pulled my head up and turned it towards him. Face to face, I knew it was Charlie Swan. This was the man from the photographs. This was the man who had signed my birth certificate. This was the man who had pleaded with my mom to get me back. It was him.

"I...I'm..I'm eighteen." I stammered, unable to keep the emotion from my voice. His eyes narrowed in confusion as he stared back at me. He seemed to be looking over my every feature. "I'm just passing through." that statement had come out a little better than the last. My voice was still only a whisper though.

Charlie Swan opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, seeming to be unable to speak and I had to smile. I was like him.

He seemed to compose himself then and he held out his large hand towards me, "Well, I'm Charlie Swan, the chief of police here. If you need anything."

I swallowed the big lump in my throat I had gotten from him confirming his name. I had never wanted to crawl into a man's arms before. I had tried as a child with Phil until I realized that he would never comfort me. He would always just push me away. I had never really realized what I was missing until I saw Charlie Swan. I realized then, that I wanted more than a father. I wanted a daddy.

"Bella." I refused now to say Phil's last name.

I shook Charlie's hand and felt instantly comforted, even though, I didn't really know him. But, I could see, he was a good man. A very good man. And I had lost my chance to be his daughter. And I hated my mom for it.

"Bella?" He repeated my name as more of a question. All I could do was nod. Speaking was beyond me at this point.

Charlie was still grasping my small hand in his; but I didn't mind.

His eyes were clouding slightly with tears and I wondered if he knew who I was. If he could feel the familial connection as harshly as I did. I could only pray...

"Where are you from?" His voice sounded demanding now. He was suspicious and I was slightly frightened. I pulled my hand from his gently and clasped my hands in my lap as I stared down at them. He wouldn't want me, I knew that. Maybe he had back then, but it had been eighteen years. He probably had a family. A new wife. A new daughter.

"Arizona."

I took a trembling breath as I felt tears prick my eyes again. He wouldn't want me as a daughter. My own mother didn't, how could he?

"I'm sorry...I have to go." I pulled out my wallet and dropped a twenty next to my half-eaten plate before I sprinted outside to my car.

**Some of you, like me, will probably get frustrated with Bella. She is going to be skittish, timid, and nervous, but give her time.**

**Also, we have a special person coming in next. **

**The next chapter will be much smaller than any other, but I think, it'll mean the most.**

**Please review! It makes me smile!**

**~Elizabeth Nicole **


	4. Quick & Painful

**ALL CHARACTERS AND SETTINGS BELONG TO THEIR RESPECTIVE OWNERS. NO COYPRIGHT INFRINGEMENT INTENDED.**

**This chapter is going to be very small, but the fifth chapter is already done and just going through a little "tweeking." I promise the next one will be longer.**

I wasn't sure where I was driving. I was just driving. I had to get away. I had to escape the rejection for I knew that was what I was about to face. How could I already see Charlie as a father? How could I already love this man as a father and not even know him!? Because he had loved me once. And I had never had someone love me before or after him.

I was finally forced to stop when I reached a dead end, but that wouldn't stop my escape. I threw my car door open and slammed it shut. I was facing a forest that had a small trail. _It'll work._

I walked straight in through the trees and just marched forward. I didn't know where I was or where I was going, but I had to get out of there. I had to escape, just for a little while. Just to clear my head.

I kept walking, my feet moving as fast as they could. I fell quite a few times on this journey. A few scrapes here, a few cuts there. Nothing to be worried about. I'd had worse.

I finally noticed a small ray of sun; light at the end of the tunnel. I pushed through the last of the foliage to find myself in, what could only be called, a meadow. A beautiful meadow. A perfect circle as if it was man-made but I could tell it wasn't. It was too perfect to be built.

There were wildflowers of all colors sprinkling the bright green grass and I allowed a little smile to cross my face; it was so beautiful.

And it must have been terribly beautiful because I had failed to notice the figure laying directly in the middle of this gorgeous place. I couldn't see well from where I was standing, but it was definitely a person.

I was frozen in place. Was I on someone else's property? Was I trespassing? Oh, that'd be a hoot! My real father coming to arrest me for trespassing. I could just picture it.

Somehow, between my shifting of feet, I must have startled the person, because when I looked back, they were sitting up and staring at me. The person, who I could just barely tell was a man from this far away, stood up from the ground. He began brushing the back of his jeans, probably trying to get anything he had managed to get on them, off.

When he stood up though, I could tell he was tall. Very tall. And with the little bit of sun that was peaking through into this meadow, I could tell his hair was beautiful. A bronze color...

He started walking towards me and I began backing away. Like the scared little girl I was.

"Wait." He was holding up his hands, showing me he meant no harm. But I was paying much more attention to the beauty that was his voice. It was, well, beautiful. Melodic in a way.

But, I remembered that I didn't know this person and that I was in a strange place, in the middle of the woods. This was the perfect set for a horror movie.

I began walking backwards again, only to trip. I fell right onto my butt with a thud and wanted to curse. And I rarely cursed.

Before I could attempt another get-away, the man was kneeling beside me with concern on his face. But, concern was the last thing I noticed. He was beautiful. I had never, ever laid eyes on a man so gorgeous. He looked like a Greek God...

"Are you alright?" He asked in a rushed, quiet voice. I finally met his eyes and felt like I was looking into two emerald jewels. Beautiful. Absolutely perfect. I felt like I had stared into them before...

He must have noticed something because he grabbed my hand suddenly. Almost instantly, I felt a jolt of electricity. The hum seemed to be burning a course through my body; sending my nerve endings on fire. I didn't want to pull away.

"You're bleeding." He said as placed his fingers over the small cut on my palm. His fingers barely grazed the ruptured skin.

"Wait here. Don't go." He stood and jogged toward where he had been laying and picked something up off the ground before coming back to me. He got onto his knees next to me again and pulled out a bottle of water. He twisted off the cap and grabbed my hand once again. It wasn't a huge cut, but it was decent.

He poured the cold water onto my palm and I jerked slightly in surprise. He glanced up at me again, "I'm sorry."

I wasn't sure why he was apologizing but I didn't seem to care. If he would continue to talk, I would continue to listen. I loved his voice.

His next move surprised me. He took off the blue t-shirt he had been wearing and I was able to catch a glimpse of a sliver of skin that peeked out. It sent my stomach twisting a little as I could already tell, like the rest of him, it was perfection.

He was left only in a wife-beater, which he removed too. I couldn't look at him then. I didn't want him to catch me gawking at him. I was embarrassed enough.

I heard more shifting of clothes and finally decided it was safe to look up. I was just a little disappointed that he had put his blue t-shirt back on.

He grabbed my hand again, sending that jolt through me, and wrapped his wife-beater around my hand, effectively wrapping away my cut.

I stared down at my hand that was still in his. His hand was much larger than mine and I took a moment to appreciate the beauty of his fingers. They were long and slender. They were a pianist's fingers...

I shook my head to stop where my thoughts had been leading. What was I doing? Well, I was sitting in the middle of a meadow, in the forest, with a beautiful stranger who had just nursed my wound. Normal, right?

"Hey." He said, his voice quiet and melodic.

I couldn't look at him. I don't know why.

This must have had him distressed because he used the hand that wasn't still keeping pressure on mine to gently take my chin and tilt my head up. He looked me right in the eyes and, again, I was lost in their beauty. How could one person be so beautiful?

"I'm sorry I scared you. I didn't mean to."

I nodded quickly as I began to bite my lip and look away. He wouldn't have that, though, as he kept my chin firmly, but gently, in his grasp.

"What is your name?" His eyes seemed to be almost pleading with me to tell him. I soon realized that he could ask me anything and I would give in. I could never say no to him. How was that possible?

"Bella." I whispered.

He licked his lips as his eyes narrowed, but not in suspicion. In remembrance.

I wanted to look away, but I couldn't. So I held his eyes with mine. He let go of my chin and used his beautiful fingers to brush away a few strands of my hair that had been in my face.

"Do I know you?" he asked. I almost said yes, because I felt as though I knew him too. The moment my eyes had met his, I had felt...something. Was it remembrance?

I decided it couldn't be. I couldn't recall a clear memory of ever seeing him before in my life. I swallowed and shook my head, answering his question with a no.

"I feel like I do." He whispered.

I took a breath and shook my head again. I looked away from him, since he was no longer holding my chin, and decided I had to get out of there. I was obviously in his area; this meadow must be his. I didn't want to intrude.

I stood up, and he did as well, still keeping hold of my injured hand. I didn't want to pull it away. I wanted to keep the electricity that seemed to be humming through my body at his touch. But I had to back away. I didn't know him.

Reluctantly, I pulled my hand from his grasp, still refusing to look into his beautiful eyes again. If I did, I would be lost for good.

I turned away and started walking back out the way I had come. I heard a brush of leaves before I felt the jolt once more. His hand hand grabbed my injured one...again. Why couldn't he just let me go?

"Where are you going?" I didn't turn around to face him. I was too scared. Too much a coward.

"My hotel." I pulled my hand away from his again and began to speed walk away. I could tell, from the lack of rustling leaves, that he wasn't following me and I couldn't help but feel a little disappointment in that. Some part of me really wanted him too.

**CHAPTER END NOTES**

**So they've met. YAY! Don't worry, she can't run from him forever. We all know this.**


	5. Little White House

**ALL CHARACTERS AND SETTINGS BELONG TO THEIR RESPECTIVE OWNERS. NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT INTENDED.**

When I pulled back into the parking lot at the inn, there was only one other car there. A Forks Police cruiser. I slowly turned my ignition off and pulled out my key. Something out front caught my eye and as I peered through the darkness I saw a tall figure walking out from the inn.

It was Charlie Swan.

I opened my mouth and then closed it again. What was he doing here? Was he looking for me? Had I done something wrong?

My hand was shaking as I tried to decide whether or not to put the key back into my ignition and leave. I could buy new clothes.

Before I could really decide, he was walking towards my car. He got to my door and knocked softly on my window. I took a deep breath as I took off my seat-belt. I grabbed my purse from the passenger side and unlocked my doors. He backed away from my door, allowing me space to open it. I did, very slowly. Charlie grabbed my door and gently pulled it farther open. I didn't move from my seat. I held my purse in my lap and stared ahead through my windshield. Maybe if I pretended to be invisible, I would be.

"Bella?"

My breathing picked up slightly, but I didn't turn towards him. I couldn't face him. I was a pathetic excuse for a daughter, he'd know that soon enough.

"Bella? May we speak?"

I could hear the pleading in his voice and it ruined my desire to hide. I glanced at the box on the floor and remembered the letters he had written to Renee, pleading with her to bring me back to him. I could almost hear his voice through the letters as I remembered the words now. I couldn't do what she did to him. I wasn't her.

I nodded slowly and turned my body to step out of the car. He held my door open as I climbed out. I pressed the little remote on my keys, heard the lock, and then he shut it for me.

"Why don't we go inside?" he asked quietly.

I nodded and turned towards the inn. I could hear his footsteps behind me. I pushed open the door and glanced to the left to see Angela still sitting in her spot. I wondered momentarily if the poor girl was ever given a break.

Her eyes were squinted in confusion as she saw Charlie, still dressed in uniform, following me. I hoped she wouldn't think I was bad news and kick me out.

I went to my room and used the key to unlock it. I pushed the door open and stepped inside. I heard Charlie shut the door as I stepped over to my bed. I sat down and clasped my hands together in my lap and stared at them. My blush hadn't left my cheeks since my first encounter of people at the restaurant.

I heard the scraping of a chair being pulled in front of me, but I didn't look up. As I had made clear before, I was a coward.

I heard the small squeak of the old chair as Charlie sat down. He leaned his forearms on his bent legs and clasped his hands together in front of him. Like me.

"Your name is Bella." His voice was quiet and calculating.

I nodded.

"Your from Arizona." Not a question, but I knew he expected an answer.

I nodded again.

"Bella..." he trailed off. But I had a feeling I knew his question and I was going to give him an answer. I was going to honest because I always was. I could only ever remember lying to people back in Arizona when they would ask about my bruises. I had to lie then. I didn't have to now.

I nodded. That was all I could give him.

I heard the scraping of his chair again and it was moving closer. I closed my eyes, afraid of what he would do. What he would say. So, it was a surprise when he gently grabbed my hands in his large, warm ones.

"I know who you are."

I squeezed my eyes shut and willed my tears to stay away. I couldn't cry. It was a weakness.

But I did. I cried. I let that single tear come out of my eye and I could feel its hot trail down my cheek. The sobs started then; ripping apart my chest. And suddenly, I was being held. I'd never been held in my life.

I was sitting on the lap of my true father as he held me close to him and rocked me gently back and forth. I was crying. I was being held. I was a child.

"Oh my baby..." he whispered, his voice cracking.

I nodded again as I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck and cried into his chest.

I barely felt it when he lifted me up, still tight in his arms. He was walking with me. I heard the door to my room open and then shut close as he made his way down the hall.

"Angela, please open up that room. She won't be coming back."

I didn't hear Angela reply to his statement and I wondered what he had meant. Could he be sending me on my way? That would be understandable. I wouldn't hate him for it.

I felt the cold air hit my face as we entered back outside. His shoes thudded against the ground as he took long, purposeful steps.

He stopped and I heard the doors to a car unlock. He held onto me with one arm as he opened up the passenger side door to his cruiser. He gently set me down in the front seat and buckled me up...like I was a little girl...

He shut the car door softly and got into his side. He started up his cruiser and pulled away from the Inn.

I was still crying softly and I felt...relieved. I hadn't cried in so long and it felt really, really good. I felt like a thousand weights were being lifted off of me.

We were only driving for a few minutes before the car stopped again. I glanced out of the corner of my eye and noticed a small, white house. I remembered it from some of the pictures I had found. This had to of been my home at one point...

Charlie opened up his door and shut it before walking to my side once again. I unbuckled myself slowly as he opened the door and held out his hand for mine. I looked at his hand and then finally looked at him. His eyes were bloodshot and teary. It broke my heart.

"Where am I?" I whispered, my voice still full of tears.

"You're home."

I took a deep breath and placed my hand in his. He pulled me up from the passenger seat and I moved away so he could close the door.

He wrapped his arm around my shoulders as he slung something over his own. I noticed then that he had grabbed my bag from the Inn. I don't know why, but that gesture brought on more tears.

He opened the door to the front of the white house and pulled me inside. I was in a small entryway. I glanced nervously to the right wall and noticed a picture hanging there. It was of Charlie and a tan-skinned woman. She looked Native-American. She was pretty beautiful.

I glanced to my left and noticed another framed picture. This one had Charlie, much younger though, with a baby in his arms. I noticed immediately that it was me. I started crying a little more.

I heard a small gasp and I looked in front of me to see the woman from the first picture. She was slightly older looking now, but still beautiful. She had long, black hair and dark, almost black, eyes. Her skin was quite tanned and I realized that, yes, she was Native American.

Her hand was clasped over her mouth and her eyes wide with shock.

I started to glance around nervously just noticing that Charlie's arm was still wrapped around my shoulders.

"Charlie, is it...?"

I glanced out of the corner of my eye towards Charlie and saw him nod once. The woman took a few deep breaths and then approached me slowly. I was frightened so I backed away a little, not sure what to expect.

"Charlie, she's soaked." The woman whispered.

Really? I looked down at my clothes and noticed that, yes, I was. When had that happened? Had I been so out of it I didn't realize? I wouldn't be surprised.

The woman got a determined look on her face then, "Seth?" her voice wasn't loud, but loud enough to get the attention of whoever she was calling for.

A boy, not much younger than me, appeared in the entryway, looking right at the woman.

"Yeah?" His skin was tanned like hers and his hair, just as black.

"Can you grab some towels from the linen closet?" He narrowed his eyes in confusion at her before he turned towards Charlie and I.

His eyes went wide and he immediately rushed back out the way he had come.

The woman approached me once again, but I didn't back away this time. I didn't want to upset her.

She came right in front of me and gently took my hand. Her hands were so warm. I didn't realize that I was so cold until now.

"Are you alright, dear?" Her voice sounded so tentative and sincere. So...maternal. I wasn't sure what to make of it so I simply nodded.

The boy, Seth, walked quickly back into the entryway and handed the woman some towels. She gently pulled me out of Charlie's grasp and began drying me off.

She did the best she could before she pulled me softly further into the house. To the left was an archway leading into a living room. The walls were a grayish blue, and there were pictures decorating the interior.

There was a nice plasma screen television on the wall and a couple white couches and recliners.

She led me towards one of the white couches and gently sat me down, taking a seat next to me.

"Charlie, get her some hot tea."

I didn't hear him answer, but I heard him walk away. I was suddenly a little scared again and I knew it had to do with him leaving me alone.

"Sweetheart?" I knew she was talking to me, but it still felt strange. Having Charlie call me his baby and this woman call me sweetheart was a lot to take in. Renee and Phil had never used terms of endearment towards me. They had called me a lot of things...things I'd hate to repeat.

I turned towards the woman and eyed her warily, unsure of what to say or do. She smiled gently, "My name is Sue Swan."

I opened my mouth, but, as usual, closed it again. I didn't know what she wanted me to say. Did she want my name?

"Bella." I whispered. I noticed that my voice sounded groggy and small. Probably from the tears.

She smiled a little bigger and nodded, "Yes, I know who you are, sweetheart."

I squinted my eyes and looked down. How did she know me? Who was she?

I heard two pairs of footsteps enter the living room and glanced up to find Charlie and the boy, Seth. Charlie took a seat in the recliner and turned it towards the couch Sue and I were sitting on. Seth sat on the other side of the room, taking a place on the other couch.

Charlie leaned towards me and handed me a cup that had steam pouring from the top. I gently took it from him, but I didn't drink.

"How did you get here, dear?" asked Sue quietly.

I decided to drink the tea then. Just to prolong. Not that it mattered. I knew this conversation was inevitable.

I swallowed my small sip and stared at the cup in my hands as I answered.

"I drove."

I looked up at Charlie and noticed him take a deep breath, "Where is...Renee?"

It was now my turn to take the deep breath. I wasn't sure what they would say; how they would react.

"She's passed." I felt a very small tug at my heart when I said that. I didn't expect it, but ever since I had seen the pictures of the woman my mother once had been, I had felt regret. Regret that I never knew that person. Regret that I was more than likely the reason she turned out the way she had.

I looked at Charlie as he closed his eyes and shook his head slowly back and forth.

"I'm sorry, dear." said Sue softly. I licked my lips and swallowed the lump in my throat and nodded my acknowledgment of her apology, thought she didn't need to apologize.

I decided it was time to be brave. Charlie had taken me here; he probably brought me here to get answers, and then he'd ask me to go. I'd make this as easy on them as I could. I could tell that I had been right. He had a new family now.

"Look, I'm so sorry to drop in on you guys." My voice was so soft and cracked that I head to clear my throat to start again, "I didn't mean it. I was just coming to get a look...I didn't want..." I wasn't sure where to go with my admission. How could I admit to wanting to stalk my true father? There were no other words for what my intentions had been. I wanted to see his face. Just once.

"I didn't think you knew about me..." Charlie whispered softly; his voice cracking again.

I shook my head, "I didn't...until last week." I took another deep breath and continued, "I was trying to sort through some files for my lawyer...to get some affairs in order for him...and I found a box in the file cabinet. It had pictures, and documents. Things I didn't know existed." I felt a few tears slide down my cheek as Sue grasped my hand in hers tightly, "After I saw my birth certificate and the pictures...I...well, I just wanted to see..."

I brought the hand that Sue wasn't grasping to my face to hide it. I felt a soft fabric and realized it was my injured hand. I felt a small tug at my heart as I remembered the man who had nursed my wound only hours earlier.

"I'm sorry for bothering you." I whispered, not able to look any of them in the eye.

I heard the recliner springs squeak as Charlie stood up and I heard his footsteps as he walked towards me. His knees popped as he knelt down so he was eye-level with me. He placed his fingers to my chin and lifted it so he could look at me.

"Don't apologize. I've always wanted you here."

I wanted to believe that, but my insecurities would never allow it. I had been told, on several occasions, how unwanted I was. By my mom. By Phil. How could they want me when the only two people I had ever known as parents, didn't?

I took a shaky breath and started again, "I...I'll leave. Thank you for bringing me here and for...everything."

I tried to stand but Sue grasped my hand a little tighter and Charlie had put both his hands on my shoulders.

"No, please don't." Charlie said softly, in a pleading voice. The voice I couldn't say no to.

Sue seemed to decide to change the subject then, "Hunny, you drove all the way here from Arizona?"

I didn't remember telling her that was where I was from but assumed Charlie had filled her in.

I nodded.

"Dear, that's so far! You should have found a way to get a hold of us. We would have come and gotten you."

I shook my head as I continued to allow more tears to fall. I decided that this would be my last cry. Because, although it was a relief, it was still weak of me.

"I hadn't planned on meeting anyone..." I said slowly, "I just wanted to see..." Again, I trailed off; not sure how to phrase it without sounding slightly insane.

"Why wouldn't you meet us?" asked Charlie. I looked at him and stared into his familiar brown eyes...my brown eyes.

"I didn't think you'd want me to..."

Charlie's eyebrows knit together and, quickly, I was cradled in his warm arms. He didn't reply and I didn't need him to.

He held me for what seemed like hours, but I didn't care. I enjoyed it. Thoroughly.

After a few more moments, Charlie pulled away and Sue began to speak, "Charlie, she looks exhausted. I'm taking her to bed."

Charlie merely nodded and leaned forward and kissed my forehead quickly. I was beyond shocked. No one had ever done that to me before...

Sue stood up, still holding my hand, and helped me up as well. She led me to the small staircase and up the stairs.

She turned to the first door on her left and opened it, revealing a small room with light purple walls. There was only a twin-sized bed and a rocking chair inside. There were a few pictures on the wall and I had to hold back my tears when I realized that all the pictures were of me as a baby.

"This has always been your room, sweetheart. We've been been waiting a while for you."

I couldn't believe this. They had a room for me? My own room with people I couldn't even remember? Why? Why had my mother taken me away? Why couldn't we have stayed here, in this town, in this home, with this man? Why would she do this to me?

Sue set my bag at the foot of my bed as I sat down and continued to glance around, trying to memorize anything and everything all at once.

Sue knelt in front of me and grabbed my hands, "You sleep now, sweetheart. If you need anything, anything at all, Charlie and I are right across the hall. Please come if you need us." She stopped and seemed to think of something, "And please don't leave us."

She kissed my cheek softly and breezed out of the room, shutting the door behind her. My breathing became erratic once again as I tried to calm my crazed emotions. Why did I already feel at home here?

**CHAPTER END NOTES**

**So he did know. Of course, a father would recognize his own daughter; no matter what. **

**If you review I'll keep writing**


	6. Trembling

**ALL CHARACTERS AND SETTINGS BELONG TO THEIR RESPETIVE OWNERS. NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT INTENDED.**

**So, Bella is now with Charlie, Sue, and Seth. But, unfortunately, being in such closer quarters will start opening Charlie and Sue's eyes to what Bella is trying to hide. **

_I heard two people screaming at each other and a few crashes that sounded like glass items hitting a wall. _

_I crawled from my bed peeked my head around the doorway to my room. I was back in Arizona. So, having a different family was all a dream...I took a moment to mourn that._

_As I peeked around the corner, I saw a little girl with long, dark brown hair, slightly curled at the ends. She was very small, maybe only five or six. Though, I was going by size only, because she was sitting in the hallway with her back to me._

_I heard another scream and crash and jerked against the wall, scared to get involved with whoever was fighting, though, by the screams, I could tell it was Phil and Renee._

_Phil, started marching down the hallway, towards me and the little girl. He didn't seem to take notice of me though, he was going towards to the small child. _

_He grabbed her by the shoulders and she started to cry. That seemed to really upset him. He started screaming in her face then, "You little brat! Stop fucking crying! What the fuck is wrong with you!? You stupid little bitch!" _

_He slapped her little face, hard, and I let out a scream. He didn't even hear me. The little girl was sobbing as he threw her back down on the ground, hitting her head against the hallway wall._

_He walked right past me then, and went into his bedroom and slammed the door. I crawled towards the little girl as her little body slumped on the ground. I finally made it to her and turned her little head to face me._

_I was horrified._

_There was a long gash under her eye, the watch on Phil's wrist must have gotten her. I'd been there._

_But when she opened her eyes, I knew who she was. It was me. _

I woke up, still screaming. Quickly, I grabbed a pillow and shoved it against my face hoping to quiet them down.

I heard my door burst open and I hid, praying that Phil would just leave me alone. I didn't mean to scream. But that wouldn't matter to him. He'd still punish me.

Someone sat on the bed and grabbed me. I tried to pull away, but I couldn't.

"Phil, please, I'm sorry! Please, don't hurt me!" I begged as I pushed against him.

"Baby, shh, baby, its Charlie." I sobbed even harder as I allowed him to cradle me in his arms.

I was safe. I wasn't with Phil and Renee, I was in Forks. Not Arizona.

I had to keep repeating that to myself because my head was still pounding and my heart was still racing. And my sobs weren't willing to stop yet.

That dream had been so real, and I knew why. Because, it wasn't really a dream at all. It was a memory.

Charlie continued to rock me and whisper that I was okay and that I was safe. I felt horrible. This man was sitting here comforting me, a stranger.

My breath began to even out a little and I opened my eyes to find the woman, Sue, wiping my face with a cold, wet cloth.

"Oh baby, you're shaking." whispered Charlie. He grabbed one of the blankets from my bed and laid it over me.

"I'm sorry" I croaked, unable to really make my voice sound decent. Charlie and Sue just shushed me again.

Sue sat on the bed next to where Charlie was holding me and she began to run her fingers through my long hair. And somehow, that simple touch, knocked me out. I don't remember anything after that.

I awoke again, but this time I hadn't been dreaming of a fight in Arizona, I was waking to a comfortable bed in Forks. The little light that shined from outside and into the room allowed me to look around the room a little more.

"_This has always been your room."_ Sue had said.

And for some reason, I knew she was telling the truth. I felt safe in here. I felt comforted. I felt loved.

I sat up and stretched out my body, allowing my bones to pop and my muscles to flex. I stood up and glanced at the little clock on the bedside table. Eleven-thirty.

Geez!

I pulled off my pajamas and grabbed my bag to drag out some more clothes. I pulled on a pair of jeans and a blue long-sleeved shirt.

I grabbed my brush out of my bag and tore through the tangles. I grabbed my toothbrush and, as quietly as possible, drew open my bedroom door.

I could hear voices downstairs as I tiptoed to the further down the hall to the bathroom. I heard loud laughter and took that opportunity to enter the bathroom and shut the door.

I brushed my teeth quickly and went to walk out with it but then, decided, to leave the toothbrush in here. It'd be easier. But then, I thought again. I didn't want them to think I was moving in. I didn't want to intrude. This was their home, not mine. I grabbed my toothbrush and tiptoed back to my own bedroom.

Once I had put all my things back into my bag, I decided that I had to face them sometime.

I walked out of my bedroom and took a few steps down the stairs before I stopped and listened to the people I could hear.

"I can't believe you found her." Said an unrecognizable female voice. It was an enchanting voice, though, sweet like honey.

"I didn't find her. She found me." Said Charlie and I could actually hear the smile in his voice. That made me smile.

"What about...Renee?" asked a man's voice, I also didn't recognize.

There was a few moments of silence before Charlie let out a deep breath, "She's passed away..."

I heard a few gasps, probably from the two voices I didn't know, and then there was silence again.

"How?" asked the man.

"I...have no idea." said Charlie.

I took a seat on the steps of the staircase and leaned my head against the wall. I had forgotten to tell them it had been a car accident. More than likely a drunk one despite the early hour it happened at. Phil and Renee would drink at all hours of the day.

"Carlisle, she woke up screaming in the middle of the night." I heard Charlie whisper. Immediately, my blood ran straight up my neck and cheeks. I squeezed my eyes shut, tightly, "She was screaming for someone to stop. She kept begging someone named Phil to not hurt her." Charlie's voice had started to sound tortured and angry.

_Carlisle? The man from the photographs?_ I smiled, but I didn't know why. _Maybe the unrecognizable female voice is Esme!_ I began to get excited.

"Who's Phil?" the woman asked. I had just been about to stand up when I heard his name spoken once again. I slumped back down to the step and willed my eyes not to cry.

"I don't know." Whispered Charlie.

"Whatcha doing?" asked a voice behind me. I jumped about three feet in the air and held back a scream. _Let's not frighten these people with my screams any more. _

I turned around to face the boy from last night, Seth. I put my hand over my heart and tried to slow my breathing. Seth was laughing quietly and shaking his head.

"Didn't mean to give you a heart attack." he said jovially.

I found myself laughing a little with him and I shook my head to let him know it was okay.

"Why don't you go down there?" he asked.

I began to get nervous then. I bit my bottom lip and started to twirl the ends of my hair. Would they want me to come down? I mean, they had guests over. I didn't want to interrupt...

"Come on!" Said Seth excitedly.

He grabbed my arm and gently pulled me the rest of the way downstairs. I stopped right behind Seth as the kitchen, where everyone had been sitting, came into view. Everyone stopped talking, much like they had in the restaurant yesterday, and looked at Seth, though I knew they were trying to look at me.

"Good morning!" Said Seth as he pranced into the kitchen, still grabbing onto my arm and dragging me around. I kept my face hidden in my hair; a habit I had picked up over the years.

"Seth, let her go!" Said Sue as she laughed a little. Seth ignored her though and I kept my back turned to the people at the table.

"You like cereal?" asked Seth. Before I could answer he laughed, "Of course you do! Who doesn't!?" He grabbed a box of 'Lucky Charms' out and then dragged me to the other side of the kitchen to grab two bowls and spoons.

I couldn't help but smile as he dragged me carelessly around like a rag doll. I could tell I was older than him, but he was bigger. He was letting me know it.

He let go of me for a millisecond while he grabbed a carton of milk. He got back over to where he had left me and poured us two perfect bowls of cereal. He handed me a spoon. He grabbed his own spoon and clinked it with mine in a cheers motion. "Enjoy" he smiled as he took a big bite of his cereal.

I looked down at my cereal, unsure if this was okay. I looked at Seth and he smiled a big toothy grin, "Eat it!" he growled in a playful voice. I giggled softly and took a small bite of the cereal. Did I mention that I loved cereal?

No one spoke though, and that made me nervous. I faced Seth as we ate because, surprisingly, I didn't feel anxious around him. He was too happy.

I continued to glance around nervously and Seth nudged me a little. I looked at him and he rolled his eyes as he pointedly glared at the people who were seated behind me, obviously watching us since none of them had spoken since we entered.

I laughed a little and the big toothy smile returned to his face.

"You know, you could offer Bella a seat, dear." Said Sue to Seth. Seth let out a frustrated sigh and looked behind me towards the people behind us.

"Bella and I like to eat our cereal standing up, thank you."

He rolled his eyes to me again as if asking how stupid adults could be, before he went back to eating his cereal.

All too soon, Seth and I had finished our breakfast. He took my bowl and spoon from me and rinsed them out in the sink.

Seth grabbed my arm again, and I smiled. He was trying to save me from the adults. I assumed that Seth was Sue's son and I had already figured out that Charlie and Sue were married. So that would make Seth my step-brother. It was obvious that Seth wasn't Charlie's son, taking into account his features and everything. But, that would still make Seth my step-brother. _I kind of like the sound of that._

Right before Seth could escape with me, he was stopped, "Not so fast." said Charlie. Seth stopped dead in his tracks so quickly that I actually ran into his back. Seth and I both laughed.

"Seth, you promised to clean your truck today. So, no going anywhere until that's done." Seth groaned and then nodded. He continued to keep a hold of my arm and seemed to determined to get me away from them. Unfortunately, he was stopped again.

"Leave Bella here. She doesn't need to help clean your truck."

It was Sue who spoke this time.

"Maybe she wants to help!" Said Seth in a mockingly angry voice that made me laugh...again. I hadn't laughed this much in a very long time.

Seth turned around to face the adults behind me, and must have seen something that freaked him out a little. He cringed and then looked at me, "Sorry shorty. I don't think they're going to let you escape."

He dropped my arm and whispered loudly to me, as a joke, so everyone could hear, "Don't be scared. They can smell fear!"

Charlie and Sue reprimanded Seth and told him to get out. He gave me an apologetic smile before he went out the front door.

I stood staring at the door for another moment, afraid to turn around. I was always so afraid.

"Dear? Would like you to sit with us?" asked Sue softly. I glared at the door begging for Seth to come back. He made me feel normal.

I decided that I needed to be polite so I took a deep breath and turned to face the people I had been avoiding all morning.

Sitting there was Sue and Charlie, but with the another couple. Definitely the couple from the old pictures I had found. It was Carlisle and Esme. I felt my heart give a little tug when I saw their beautiful faces.

Esme stood up and cocked her head to the side, staring at me. Before long her face had broken out into a big smile and she had tears in her eyes. She took another step towards me and shook her head, "My God, you're gorgeous, sweetheart."

I squinted my eyes in confusion and looked away. I was _not _gorgeous. I knew that.

Sue stood up then and made her way to me. She put her arm around my shoulders and gave me a little squeeze. "Don't worry dear, we don't bite."

She laughed a little and I did too, because of the honesty that was her answer. I _was _acting as if these wonderful people would attack me.

Sue led me to an empty chair that was in-between her and Charlie. She took the seat to my right with Charlie on my left. Charlie put his arm around me and pushed a new cup full of coffee towards me.

I hadn't even asked for it. He just seemed to know.

I grabbed the cup and took a small sip, anxious for this conversation to be over with.

Charlie cleared his throat and I glanced up at him, "Bells, this is Carlisle and Esme Cullen." He said as he pointed to the other couple. Little did he or they know, I had already figured that out, "Carlisle and Esme have been good friends of ours for a very long time. Carlisle is a doctor over at the hospital and Esme is an interior designer."

Well, I didn't know that. I looked over at Carlisle and Esme and gave them a small smile. They both smiled brightly back at me.

"You knew us when you were quite little, hun." said Carlisle. I nodded, already knowing that too.

"We have a few children around your age, dear. A son about five years older, another son just two and a half years older and then a daughter only mere months younger than you." Esme said, still shining with that bright smile.

So, she was speaking of Emmett, Edward, and then the child she had been pregnant with in one of the pictures I had found. It had been a girl. I immediately felt sad. I bet, had we stayed, the girl and I would have been friends like our mothers...

"You'll be meeting them soon." Said Carlisle.

My eyes widened a little. I wasn't sure what to expect. Meeting more people? Why? So I could get close to them and then end up having to leave them? I didn't want that. I was already dreading saying good-bye to the people I had met.

"So, Bella, dear, tell us about yourself." Said Esme excitedly.

What do I say? I couldn't really tell the whole truth. So I told the bare minimum. I'd be honest if they asked.

"I..um." I cleared my throat, hoping to get my voice to be just a little louder, "I'm eighteen. I'm from Phoenix, Arizona. I just got done with high school." There, that was good, right?

"How was your graduation, dear? My daughter, Alice, had a ball getting ready for hers." I licked my lips and swallowed another lump before I answered.

"I wasn't able to make graduation." I grabbed a few strands of my hair and started gently pulling at them. Anything for a distraction.

"Oh, why not?" Asked Carlisle. His voice had taken on a sad tone; more of a pity tone. He felt bad for me. He didn't need to.

"Um, well, when my mom and Phil passed, I had a lot of stuff to take care of. There wasn't any time."

There was an eerie silence then. I wasn't sure what to do about it so I took another drink of my hot coffee.

"Who's Phil, sweetheart?" asked Sue quietly.

I bit my lip again and squeezed my eyes shut. Who was Phil? How would I explain him? Could I really tell my true father that Phil was the man I had called dad up until a week ago? How would he take that?

"My mother's husband."

The adults remained quiet and I could literally feel Charlie tense next to me. I didn't even realize why until I actually thought about it. It wasn't from jealousy over my mother but from what had happened last night. I had been begging Phil not to hurt me...I shouldn't have said anything.

The silence was finally broken by the ring of the telephone. It took a few rings before Charlie stood up and answered it.

"Hello?"

His voice was low and...sad? I wasn't sure if that was the right emotion. Was he upset with me? Was I already causing this man problems?

"Yes, just a second, dear." Said Charlie. He stretched the phone towards Esme and she smiled as she took it.

"Hello?"

Her smile turned brighter and she laughed, "Yes, sweetheart. Come on over."

She gave the person on the other end a good-bye before she handed the phone back to Charlie to hang up. She turned back towards me, the smile still firmly planted on her face.

"That was my daughter, Alice, that I had been telling you about. She is on her way here. She is very excited to meet you. I hope you don't mind."

I began to feel more nervous, and frustrated with myself. I needed to be brave. These people were nice. I had nothing to worry about. _God! _I really loathed myself at the moment.

The adults continued talking about this and that, but Carlisle's eyes remained on me. He seemed to be trying to figure me out. I wouldn't let his eyes meet mine, though, I continued to look around the room.

"Dear, how did you get that scar under your eye?" asked Carlisle quietly. I was almost certain no one else had heard him, but then, why had everyone gone silent? Too many pairs of eyes landed on me, I could feel them burning on my face.

That scar, well, it wasn't very large, but if you looked, you'd notice it. I found it strange that I had actually dreamed of the night it had happened just last night. Was it a coincidence?

"It's a long story." I lied. It wasn't a long story at all. Phil was drunk, he hit me, his watch clawed my skin, the wound was never nursed properly. Not at all a long story. But I didn't want to tell it.

I looked up at Carlisle and his eyes were slightly narrowed...like he didn't believe me. Like he somehow knew I wasn't telling the truth. I hadn't ever been a good liar, one of the things I had been punished for. I needed to learn to fib better.

I heard the front door slam open then and I jumped slightly in my seat. The adults all laughed together, either at me or at the person coming in, I wasn't sure.

"Hello people!" said an excited female voice.

I had been hoping it was Seth, coming to rescue me again, but it wasn't. It was probably Esme's daughter.

I heard the light clacks of heels as she walked closer to where I was sitting. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her. She was tiny. I mean, she was definitely shorter than me,which was saying quite a bit since I was always known for being pretty short myself. I guessed that she didn't make it past my neck.

Her hair was jet-black, and spiky, but in a very fashionable way. And speaking of fashionable, her clothes looked completely designer worthy. Something told me they were.

"Mother." Said the girl, Alice, I assumed, as she kissed Esme's cheek. Another tug at my heart. I had never been able to do that with Renee...

"Hello sweetie. This is Bella." Esme said, raising her hand towards me. Alice turned around to face me and smiled; she looked terribly excited, and that frightened me a little bit.

"We're going to be the best of friends. I can already tell you that." Alice said as she winked at me. What are you supposed to say to something like that? Well, I didn't say anything. I just looked at her, completely dumbfounded.

Alice walked over to me and grabbed my hand, dragging me up from my seat.

"We'll see you oldies later!" She called out as she dragged me upstairs.

She went straight to the bedroom I had slept in and pulled me through the door. She only took a second to glance around before she grabbed my purse and tossed it over her shoulder.

"How did you know this was the room I was in?" I asked, shocking myself.

Alice laughed, "Because, this _is_ your room, silly Bella. Where else would your stuff be?"

So, she knew that this was my room, too. Had I been talked about before I came around? Had they really been waiting for me like the said they were?

She led me back downstairs, waving off the adults as they told her to slow down with me. She pulled me outside, into the surprisingly mild air, and towards a bright yellow Porsche, that just screamed speed.

"Get in" said Alice. And I obeyed. While she looked small, I could tell she could be fierce if she wanted to. That made sense though, she had two older brothers. I imagine you'd have to learn to stick up for yourself if you were the baby and the smallest.

I buckled up as she started her car and she slammed on the gas, jerking us away from the little white house.

"So, Bella, do you like to shop?"

I cringed, "No, not really."

Alice sighed and looked over at me, "How did I already know that?"

I wanted to say that it was probably because I was wearing jeans and a t-shirt, but I bit my tongue, afraid that I'd be right.

"Well, we're going shopping." Said Alice as she smiled excitedly.

Oh no...

**CHAPTER END NOTES**

**What do you think of Bella's dreams? Morbid, huh?**

**Thankfully, we have Alice to lighten up the mood a little! Gotta love the pixie**

**Reviews keep me writing and smiling. Let me know what you think.**


	7. Long Stories & Short Truths

**ALL CHARACTERS AND SETTINGS BELONG TO THEIR RIGHTFUL OWNERS! NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT INTENDED!**

**So, now we have Alice. I know, we're still missing four others...technically. And, a new, horrid step-sister, perhaps? **

According to Alice, there were no decent shops in Forks. I wasn't surprised. She didn't seem to accept the normal types of clothes and this town didn't really have much in it anyway.

So, she informed me that we'd be traveling the hour drive to a town called Port Angeles. She told me that she'd rather shop in Seattle, but she had promised her parents a quick trip.

We had been on the road for about a half hour before the interrogation started.

"So, where are you from?" she asked as she pressed down on the gas pedal a little harder. I wasn't totally against speeding since I was usually guilty of it, but this girl seemed to be completely against any and all speed limits.

"Phoenix."

"Wow, I bet Forks is a change from the desert, then" she mused. She turned her head and gave me a small smile.

I simply nodded. Obviously, Forks was a one-eighty compared to Phoenix. Hot to Cold. Dry to wet. Big to small.

"You know, our parents always talk about you."

I looked at her with a confused expression. What would there be to talk about? They hadn't seen or heard from me in eighteen years. I didn't imagine there would be much to say.

She must have noticed my confused expression, because she continued, "We were always told stories about how adorable you were as a baby. My mother always got sad when she talked about it. She really missed you. I think our mother's had big plans for us." She laughed then, "I _know _they had big plans for you and Edward."

I opened my mouth to say how I had figured that out too, before I shut it again. I decided to play the innocent.

"What do you mean, big plans for me and Edward?"

Alice shrugged indifferently, "You two were apparently _meant to be _from the day you were born. I guess my brother, Edward, couldn't get enough of you. Always holding you and talking to you, even though you couldn't talk back. We even have pictures of him with you at our house."

I smiled involuntarily. I guess it made me feel good that the little boy, at the time, had taken a liking to me. Even if it was only when we were tiny kids.

"You'll meet him tonight." Finished Alice as she pulled off onto the Port Angeles exit.

I felt the blood drain from my face. _Tonight? Why tonight?_ And why was I getting all anxious about it? I hadn't seen the guy since I was practically a newborn. He wouldn't even remember me nor I him.

"Why tonight?" I asked as I rubbed my hands together to try and relieve my trembling.

"Well, I'm not sure if you noticed, but you being here is definitely something to celebrate. We've been waiting for you to come back."

There it was again. _We've been waiting for you. _What did that even mean? Charlie had said that he didn't think I knew he existed. So how would I even begin to come back when I didn't know of anyone back here? I hadn't even heard of this town! I hadn't even known I had ever even _lived _in Washington. Up until a little over a week ago I had thought that Phil was my father and that I had been born and raised in Phoenix.

I was starting to get a head-ache.

Alice only drove about five minutes away from our exit before she pulled into a mall parking lot. She clapped her hands excitedly as she turned to face me in her seat.

"This is going to be so much fun." Her tone sounded mischievous and that scared me.

"Come on come on!" She exclaimed as she threw open her door.

I took a deep breath and released my seat belt before climbing out of the Porsche myself and following a skipping Alice into the mall.

_Six hours later_

I had never, in my life, spent more than an hour in any store, for anything. Ever. And somehow, Alice had managed to keep me restrained for over six! Six hours! How was that even possible?

I had begged and pleaded with her to only shop for herself and that I was totally content to be an observer. Apparently, that wasn't allowed.

So, I had spent the better part of that six hours in various dressing rooms, trying on various outfits that I would never wear. I mean, seriously, where in the heck was I going to wear a backless cocktail dress? Where?!

And the _shoes_. I actually hated the shoe shopping more than the clothes part. I don't wear heels. Wearing heels was my bad omen. Prancing around in stilettos was like asking for a broken limb. But Alice had simply waved off my complaints by saying, "_You'll get used to them."_

No, I wouldn't. Because I wasn't going to be _wearing _them.

Thankfully, our six hour extravaganza was halted by a phone call from Esme. Alice had spent ten minutes on the phone being lectured about "good time management." I had laughed and Alice had glared at me.

Yeah, I could see myself being Alice's friend.

And with Alice, I found that opening up wasn't as...scary. I didn't get my sweaty palms or racing heart when I spoke to her. I didn't stammer or stutter and I didn't want to be invisible. Talking to her was almost exciting. I had never had a real friend before and the prospect of having Alice to talk to was nice. The best part was that it was normal. And I'd never had 'normal' before.

Alice and I pulled into a long, wooded driveway about an hour after leaving the mall. The driveway was lighted by lanterns and twinkle lights. It looked like a little wonderland.

Once we pulled through the last bit of trees my jaw about hit the floor of the car. The house, no, more like the mansion, was unbelievable. I had never seen a house look so...perfect.

It was white, which I usually found boring, but not here. And I had never seen so many windows on one house. I imagine the majority of wall space inside was taken up by the windows. I'm talking ten foot tall windows. More than likely, floor to ceiling, when looking from the inside out.

"Wow." Was all I managed to say to Alice as she parked in the circle drive. Alice laughed and nodded.

"That's what you get when your mother is an interior designer."

I began laughing, "Yeah, so I see."

Alice told me to leave all my bags in the car and that we'd worry about them later. I had a feeling she planned on keeping the clothes that had been purchased for me with her; just in case I decided to give them to Good Will. Unfortunately, that _had _been my plan.

I followed Alice up the front steps, my jaw still slacking a little bit. I bet living here had been like a dream.

I let Alice lead me inside the house and, thankfully, after seeing the outside, I wasn't _as _surprised by the inside. Everything looked so...clean and white. Every couch, loveseat, and chair was white, while every coffee table, end table, shelf, and television stand was black. It was amazing and all _very _modern.

I imagined that they hadn't switched to white furniture until _after_ the kids were a decent age. Kids would destroy this place in a second with one glass of cool-aid.

"Alice? Bella?" Esme called out from somewhere in the house.

Alice yelled out a 'yeah' and rolled her eyes at me.

"We've been waiting!" Sung Esme in a mocking tone. "We're just sitting down to dinner. Get in here." Esme's voice took on a more demanding sound that had Alice grumbling slightly under breath.

I followed Alice through the beautiful hallways and finally through an entryway that led to the most beautiful dining room I'd ever been in, along with the longest dinner table. Which was probably a good thing because there were a lot of people here. Cue blush, sweaty palms, and racing heart

I swallowed and started to glance nervously around the room. Some faces I recognized. Some I didn't.

"Bella, dear?" I heard Sue's voice and glanced in the direction it had come from. Charlie and Sue had an empty chair in-between them on the right side of the table. Sue was smiling encouragingly and Charlie was...well, he was trying to smile. I think.

Sue motioned for me to come over to her, so I did. She pulled out the chair that was set in-between her and Charlie and I sat down, and slid myself back in.

"Bella, we have several people for you to meet." Said Esme with a beautiful smile. It was the kind of smile that made you smile right back.

I nodded as I glanced around and saw Charlie, Sue, Carlisle, Esme, Seth, and Alice...among others. On the left side of the table with Carlisle and Esme was a large guy...like a really big, muscled guy with dark, curly hair. He had two dimples protruding as he smiled excitedly at me. Next to him was a model. There was no other way to describe her. She had flowing, blonde hair and big, blue eyes. Her face and, from what I could tell, her body were perfect.

Sitting next to the model was Alice and next to her was a blonde guy. His hair was slightly shaggy and just barely hung in his hazel eyes. He was giving me a nice smile that, for some reason, just oozed serenity. Immediately, I felt calm. _Weird._

On our side, next to Seth, was a girl, probably a little older than me. She looked exactly like Sue and Seth. Flowing, black hair, black eyes, tan skin...

"This is my son, Emmett." Said Carlisle as he pointed to the big, burly guy. I think I had already figured that out after seeing his dimples I had remembered from the pictures. I gave him the best smile I could and somehow, his toothy grin grew wider. "Next to him is his girlfriend, Rosalie Hale." Rosalie, to my surprise, gave me a pretty smile too. I guess I was being stereotypical when I assumed she would be snotty. She actually seemed pretty nice.

"That young man next to Alice, is her boyfriend, Jasper Whitlock." So the calming guy was Jasper. Was it just me or were these names really...outdated?

"And dear, this young lady on our side is your step-sister, Leah." Said Sue. I looked down on our end and saw Leah smiling, but for some reason, it didn't seem all that friendly. I swallowed as I turned my head back forward and took a drink of water. So...I had a sister and a brother now. I guess, sisters aren't known for getting along, but we were both older...maybe she was just unsure of me. I mean...my mother was insane. Maybe she knew that. Maybe they all did...

The friendly chatter was silenced by the front door opening and shutting again. I looked around the table to see that there was, in fact, another empty chair. How many people were they expecting tonight?

"Oh, that must be Edward." Said Esme as she smiled over at me.

I glanced quickly over to Alice who had a grin bigger than the Cheshire cat on her face. She looked pointedly at her mom and then gave me a wink. My eyes widened. What was she trying to say?

"Hey all" said a beautiful, melodic...wait...

My head snapped over to the voice and my whole body froze. No freakin' way. It was that guy! The beautiful stranger from the meadow! Yep! All bronze-haired and green-eyed and just freakin' gorgeous! Of _course_ it just _had to be. _

I grabbed my water glass again and began drinking as fast as I could.

"Edward, you're late." Said Esme in a mockingly stern voice. I didn't hear Edward reply though. I glanced up and he was staring right at me. Right into my brown eyes. And, of course, I was a goner.

Edward opened his mouth, probably to say something, but before he could Carlisle cleared his throat.

"Edward this is Bella. Charlie's daughter."

Edward's eyes widened to the size of saucers. Then, he began laughing, but not in a 'ha ha' kind of way, more like in a hysterical way.

Edward took a seat, which was coincidentally placed right across from mine. I narrowed my eyes and looked over at Alice again. She was still smiling that Cheshire grin. She nodded her head towards Esme. I glanced Esme's way and she had her hands folded underneath her chin as she looked between Edward and I. My mouth fell open. She was bound and determined.

Dinner began, finally, and I ate. And that's all I did. I didn't join in the conversation and I didn't add my two cents until most everyone had cleared their plates of food. _Then, _more questions started being asked.

"So, where are you wanting to go to college?" asked Carlisle. I saw Charlie, from the corner of my eye, shoot Carlisle a look, though I wasn't sure why.

Everyone's eyes went to my face and my blush rose once again.

"I, uh, I'm taking the year off, actually." Several pairs of eyes went wide with confusion and some went wide with shock.

"Why?" asked Carlisle. A question apparently everyone wanted to ask.

"Well, um, I still have a lot to take care of back in Arizona. I really won't have the time for school until I settle some more things down there." _Or the money, _I added in my head. Money was the biggest issue. I had to get a job to pay off Renee and Phil's seventeen years worth of debt. I'd have to work full-time.

"Couldn't most of that stuff be taken care of this summer?" asked Esme in a hopeful tone.

I took another gulp of water and looked up to see Edward staring right at me. His lips were in a tight line, but he didn't seem angry, he seemed...concerned.

I realized we were staring at each other again, so I went to answer Esme's question, "Most of it, yes. Some other things will take more time, unfortunately."

Sue cleared her throat, "Wouldn't someone in Phil's family be able to take care of it, dear? You're so young to be doing that."

I bit my lip and shook my head, "Um, no. I'm Phil and my mom's only family."

The entire room went silent once again. I was just trying to figure out the catalyst for this silencing phenomena because it seemed to happen quite a bit when I spoke. Was it Renee's name? Possibly Phil's? Or was it a combination of the word family and Phil and Renee's names? Something told me I'd never figure it out.

"So, what was your high school years like, Bella?" asked Alice with a smirk. She was trying to save me, I could tell. Unfortunately, little did she know, she was kind of adding fuel to the fire.

"I only went to actual school my senior year. I was home-schooled till then."

I could swear you could hear the crickets outside. Didn't they know what home-schooling was? I mean, it wasn't normal, but it wasn't completely unheard of...right?

"Why? Didn't you like school?" Asked Carlisle.

Without thinking, I immediately went to defend myself, "Of course, I love school!" I said with a smile, and then, I realized my mistake. The next question he would ask would be unanswerable now. _No wonder Renee and Phil took me out of school._

"Well, then, why would you be home-school for so many years?"

_Right there. That_ question. I could tell the truth and ruin everyone's night. _Oh, well, you know. Phil was quite the alcoholic and he would sometimes beat me a little. Leave marks, cuts, bruises. Instead of hiding them and taking the chance of discovery by going to school, they thought me staying home would be better. You know, the usual. _Yeah, that would go over _really_ well.

"It's a long story." I lied...again. I was starting to notice a pattern with myself.

No more questions were asked after that and plates began to be picked up and taken away. I had every intention of helping until my cell phone's ring tone went off. I grabbed my purse from the floor near my chair and picked my cell phone out of it. Glancing at the caller ID I noticed Mr. Larson's name. My lawyer.

"I'm sorry. I have to take this." I said quietly as I wandered out of the room. Thankfully, finding my way back to the front porch wasn't as difficult as I had imagined it would be.

I stepped outside and flipped open my phone.

"Good evening, Mr. Larson."

"Well, good evening, Bella. How is your vacation going?"

I laughed softly, "All is well. What do you have for me?"

"Well, a family made an offer on your house; $71,000. I figured you'd take it, but I wanted to run it by you first."

What did I know about proper pricing? If Mr. Larson was saying it was a good deal, then I would just have to trust his judgment. Besides, our house wasn't the nicest. I was surprised to hear I'd receive that much.

"That sounds fine to me. Now, if you factor in the realtor's earnings, how much would that leave me?"

Mr. Larson was quiet for a moment before he answered, "Approximately fifty grand."

Fifty grand? Not bad.

"So, if you subtract that from the debt that has been accumulated, how much more money will I need to pay off...everything else?"

I heard Mr. Larson sigh quietly, "It's going to be quite a bit still, I'm afraid. About another two-hundred grand."

I bit the inside of my cheek as the number rolled off his tongue. _It could be worse, Bella._

"Okay, thank you, Mr. Larson."

Mr. Larson promised to phone me of any more updates and I promised to get a hold of him the moment I got back to Arizona. Unfortunately, when I returned, my biggest problem would be moving out everything. Most stuff would have to be sold or given to Good Will. Everything else, I'd have to find a storage shed for. Then, I'd have to find somewhere for _me _to go. I'd just have to look into some apartments...

"Hey"

The melodic voice startled me, though I knew who it was. I could feel the electricity he seemed to elicit humming near me from here.

I turned around and faced Edward and gave him a small smile as I flipped my phone closed, "Hey."

He chuckled softly and took a step closer to me, always keeping his eyes on mine.

"What a coincidence, huh? I knew I knew you from somewhere. Turns out, I was right."

I opened and closed my mouth a few times before I came up with a good reply..which turned out to be more of a question than anything else.

"How would you know me, though? Wasn't the last time you saw me when you were like, what, three? And I was no more than a year." I shook my head a couple of times at him and smiled.

He laughed humorlessly, "I don't think that matters." he whispered softly, "I still remembered you."

The softness of his voice and the deepness of his emerald eyes were all I could think about. What was it about this man that just...messed me up? I didn't even _know _him, so why did I feel like I had known him forever?

"How's your hand?" he asked as he stepped right in front of me and carefully grabbed it. The jolt was full force and I had to work to not jump at it, though I knew it would happen the moment he touched me.

I shrugged indifferently, "It's fine. Don't worry, I fall and hurt myself constantly."

Edward ran his fingers over the scraped skin of my hand a few times. His eyes were trained on the mark and his eyebrows seemed to be knitted together in concentration. His mouth opened, probably to say something, when a new voice interrupted.

"There you are."

I looked over to find Leah, my new step-sister. I pulled my hand from Edward's and tried to give Leah a smile. She smiled back, but again, it wasn't as friendly as I had hoped for.

Edward looked over at Leah and his lips went straight to a grimace. He didn't look so happy to see her.

"What's up, Leah?" asked Edward with, what I would call, fake interest.

"Well, you just disappeared!" She sang as she grabbed onto his arm. She beamed up at him with a bright smile and I noticed that Edward rolled his eyes.

I backed away, closer to the rail of the front porch, and berated myself.

I was practically gawking over my new step-sister's boyfriend! No wonder she didn't like me!

I smiled as best as I could towards the both of them, "Sorry, I just came out here for a phone call. I'll get out of your way."

I walked past them and headed right back into the house. And, for some reason, I felt tiny stabs of pain every time the distance between me and that porch grew larger. I felt like there was a magnet connected to me, trying to lure me back the way I had come.

And when I closed my eyes to try and rid myself of the feeling, all I could see were green emeralds...

**AUTHOR'S NOTE**

**Ah ha. Edward is discovered. We have the entire Cullen Clan involved now. And...Leah. But, as they say, hell hath no fury than a woman scorned. You'll learn more about her later.**

**So, what do you think? I have an idea at how I should proceed, but I'd rather hear what your expectations are. **

**I will still be updating as much as possible, but, it's Christmas Eve and I'm heading home from school. Don't worry, I have a broken knee cap so I won't be moving around a whole lot. I'll find time. **

**Review! Keeps me smiling and writing!**


	8. Manifestation

**ALL CHARACTERS AND SETTINGS BELONG TO THEIR RIGHTFUL OWNER. NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGMENT INTENDED.**

**AUTHOR'S NOTE**

**Sorry for the slight delay. I only have one word...holidays.**

**On with the story.**

After the embarrassing encounter with Leah and Edward, Charlie and Sue only stayed a little longer. I had walked in to find Charlie and Carlisle seemingly deep in discussion, and the moment they noticed my arrival, it stopped. I'm not stupid. They were talking about me. I just didn't know why.

I rode back with Sue, Charlie, Leah, and Seth. Apparently, I was correct in guessing that Leah was older than me. She was twenty-one and a junior at Seattle Pacific University. She was going into some kind of design work. She lived up at the university and made trips to Forks every once in a while to visit with her family.

Seth, I had learned, was sixteen, just two years my junior. He was a sophomore at Forks High School. He was quite athletic, which didn't surprise me at all. He was tall and muscular; any coach would be lucky to have Seth on their team.

Seth seemed like a bright person; very laid back and easy to be around. Leah, on the other hand, seemed bitter; like she constantly had a chip on her shoulder. The big mystery remained as to why this was, but I didn't want to ask.

We pulled into the driveway back at the little white house and made our way inside. Leah made herself comfortable on one of the couches while Seth took residence in front of the big plasma on the wall. I noticed him untangling cords to a controller. _Guys and their video games._

I went to sit down on the other couch, opposite Leah, when Charlie spoke, "Bells?"

I looked up at Charlie and gave him a small smile, "Yes?"

He shifted from one foot to the other, he seemed quite anxious, "Would you like to come talk with Sue and I...in the kitchen?"

I could feel my eyebrows knit together. What did they want to talk about? Well, I could think of a lot of things. None of those things was I looking forward to discussing though.

I followed Charlie back into the kitchen where Sue was already placing three coffee mugs onto the dinner table. I took the same seat I had sat at this morning and grabbed the hot cup in my hand, loving the heat soaking into my fingers.

"So, dear, we were wondering how long you were planning your visit to last?" Sue asked. Her eyes looked sincere and there didn't seem to be an ulterior motif. But I couldn't help the insecurities that flew to the forefront of my brain. Did they want me gone? Had I outstayed my welcome?

I glanced at Charlie to see the same look in his eyes, but I couldn't place the exact emotion. So, I decided to just be honest with my intentions.

"Well, I...um...just one week." I said quietly, and then finished by taking a big gulp of my hot coffee; it burned my taste-buds, but I didn't react. I've had worse.

Sue and Charlie both went to say something, but I decided that if they were feeling guilty about wanting me gone, I wouldn't let them. I'd ease that guilt before they could actually feel it.

"Look, like I said last night, I was only coming to see. I don't want to be a burden." I set my coffee mug back down onto the table, and pushed it away from me, "If you could just take me back to the hotel, I can get my car and be gone as soon as possible. I promise I won't bother you anymore."

Charlie grabbed my hand, and squeezed tightly, "You're not going anywhere. That's not why we're asking."

I began gnawing on my bottom lip as I waited for one of them to continue.

"Sweetheart, we were actually wondering if you'd consider staying a little longer." Sue finished as she gave me a hopeful look. I glanced back at Charlie to see her expression mirrored in his eyes. He wanted me to stay? That was...unexpected.

"Um...yeah. Well, maybe. I'll have to get a hold of my lawyer and see when the house needs to be emptied...I mean, I can stay till then." If they wanted me that long...

"You're selling your house?" asked Sue as she pushed my coffee mug back towards me. I, gratefully, retrieved it, and took another long gulp.

"Yes." Short, sweet, right to the point.

"Why?" asked Charlie as he set his coffee down and questioned me with his eyes.

"It was going to be taken anyway. The mortgage is overdue, along with most of the bills. It's cheaper to sell it."

Charlie and Sue seemed at a loss for words. Suddenly, though, Charlie's eyes became determined. He didn't seem angry, just demanding.

"Bella, how much...debt are they in?" He looked me right in the eye and I knew lying would get me nowhere. First of all, he was a cop, so he was used to picking apart lies. Second of all, it would be useless and I didn't like to lie.

"A lot." See? I didn't lie. I just didn't give a straight answer.

"How much is a lot, Bella?"

So, he wasn't giving in. Why did he want to know? Thankfully, he had gotten away from Renee when he could. That's the beauty of divorce, isn't it? It's no longer the other persons' problem.

"After I subtract the money I sold the house for, it's about two-hundred grand."

Sue's eyes went wide as Charlie cursed. Charlie shook his head in frustration and squeezed his eyes shut as he rubbed his face with his hands. Why were they getting worked up? This wasn't their problem. This was _my _problem.

"Don't worry." I said quietly, "I got a plan. It'll be paid off within a couple of years."

Charlie dropped his hands from his face and stared at me, "Baby, that's a lot of money."

I bit the smile back at the fact that he used that term of endearment again, and nodded, "Yes, I know. But if I work full-time for the next few years and save everything I can, I don't see how I can't pay it off."

Charlie's mouth dropped open as Sue began to shake her head back and forth, "Bells, no. An eighteen year old should not have to pay off an adult's debt. That's not right and that's not going to happen. We will help you straighten this out."

It was my turn to let my mouth drop open. Did they think I came here for money? Did they think I needed their help? I didn't! I felt horrible the moment he said that, because I knew that was what they were thinking. That I came here for the cash.

"No." I said it quietly, but sternly.

Charlie and Sue both looked up at me with confused expressions on their faces. I decided to elaborate.

"I don't need help." I shook my head a few times, "I've been paying their bills since I was fourteen. Now, that I am out of school, I am more than capable of getting a real job and paying it off. I can do this. I'm not immature."

I stood up from the table and slid the chair back in, softly, not wanting to make a scene. I walked to the front door, avoiding Seth and Leah's eyes, and went straight outside. There wasn't really any place to go, so I simply sat on the front steps. I wrapped my arms around my bent legs and laid my forehead on my knees taking deep breaths in and out.

I felt a few tears slip down my cheek and felt like swearing like a pirate. When had I become so damn weak?

I was barely aware of the door, behind me, opening and closing. I could feel the heat of someone sitting down beside me on the stairs, but I didn't look up. I didn't want anyone to see my tears; to see my weakness.

A large, warm hand landed on my shoulder, "Bells..."

It was Charlie. I guess I kind of asked for it; you know with my running out and everything.

I didn't say anything, hoping that'd he'd give up on me and just go back inside. I wasn't worth the time it would take.

"Bells, look at me...please."

I wanted to shake my head, but how could I deny him anything? He was the only person that had ever shown me any kind of affection, even if it had been eighteen years ago, I was grateful for it. I wasn't going to throw his past love in his face now.

I took another deep breath and then lifted my head and turned it to the side to face him. His dark. brown eyes were full of concern and defeat. He looked like he had aged ten years since I had seen him five minutes ago.

"I'm feeling sick." He said. I went to ask him what was wrong and if he needed a doctor or something, but he continued before I could, "I feel beyond sick that you..." he shook his head and huffed out a breath, "You shouldn't have had to live like that. And the little details you drop are starting to make me suspicious. I'm suspicious as to what exactly went on with your mother and...Phil. I want to know the truth, Bells. Were you...neglected in any way? Were you...hurt? Abused? What happened?"

I opened and closed my mouth a few times, and then looked down. I couldn't talk about this. I had been trained to avoid this conversation at all costs. I didn't want to see the disgust in his eyes. I didn't want his pity. I didn't need it. It would only add to my weakness.

So, I said nothing. Which, in hindsight, I could see had been a big mistake.

He grabbed my chin gently, and turned my head to face him. His eyes narrowed into mine before I saw them flick to my right eye, where there laid a scar. He narrowed his eyes at the scar.

"Bella..."

I shook my head and let another tear drop from my eyes, "I'm tired."

I stood up, leaving him sitting on the porch, and ran inside, up the stairs, and into my bedroom.

_Screams. Crashes. Begging. _

_I hid further under the dining room table as I watched Renee and Phil beat each other. _

_Renee threw a lamp at him, missed, and it crashed about five feet away from me, sending the glass hitting my body, mostly my arms and legs. I glanced down and saw several trickles of blood coming from my shoulder and thigh. It stung but I wouldn't cry out. _

"_You fucking cunt!" screamed Phil as he grabbed Renee by the throat. That's when I screamed out. I screamed and started sobbing. _

"_Stop hurting mommy, please! Daddy! Stop!" I wailed as I ran at the two of them. Phil, still holding Renee's neck ,and Renee, clawing at his face. Once he heard me, though, it turned...bad._

_He threw Renee to the ground and grabbed my arm, taking the joint right out of the socket. I had never felt worse pain and I screamed bloody murder._

_He slapped my face about three or four times and I could taste the blood pouring from my gums, in my mouth. But I couldn't stop screaming. _

"_Stop fucking crying!" He pressed his big hand over my mouth and pressed so hard I started chocking, unable to breath properly, "You fucking cry ONE MORE TIME and I promise you'll never cry again. I will send you six feet under little girl."_

_I wasn't sure, at the time, what that meant. But I knew he meant it. And I knew it wasn't good._

_He threw me to the ground and I landed on the bad shoulder. I screamed out again. BIG mistake._

_He walked over, and I felt his steel-toed bots make contact with my ribcage. Everything went black. But I could still hear my screams._

"Baby, shh..."

I opened my eyes and knew that, once again, I was cradled in Charlie's arms. I was shaking so horribly, I couldn't even tell if I had any power over my limbs anymore.

"My shoulder" I choked out, still not completely out of my dream mode.

"What's wrong with it, baby?" he asked as he gently touched the shoulder closest to him. I shrieked, scared I would feel the pain again, and he jumped.

"Bells? Baby? What is it?"

I could feel the sobs ripping at my chest and I couldn't breathe...I couldn't think. I squeezed my eyes shut and then wrenched them open again. This time, it wasn't Charlie. It was Phil.

I began sobbing and trying to get away, "Phil, please, I'm sorry. Please!"

I scrambled out of Phil's lap and back onto the bed, diving under the covers, even though I had learned early on, playing possum only made Phil more mad.

"Bella-"

"No, please.."

The covers were ripped away from me and I was back in Charlie's arms. My head was spinning as I searched the room. Where was Phil? Why was he here? I...was losing it.

Some time, after my episode, I fell back asleep. The nightmares, or memories, rather, didn't return and I woke up feeling rested, but anxious. I had had nightmares for as long as I could remember but it had never affected anyone before; Phil and Renee never seemed to notice me when I woke up in a panic. Or maybe they did notice...maybe they just never cared.

I took care of the morning necessities; shower, brush, teeth, clothes. When I made it downstairs I was surprised to find Charlie, Sue, Carlisle, and Esme, all sitting in the living room, seemingly waiting for something...or someone...obviously me.

I walked under the archway and into the living room and everyone's faces lit up with strained joy. I swallowed and looked straight down at my shoes. As if I wasn't anxious enough before.

"Good morning, sweetheart." Said Sue. She came over to me and lightly kissed my cheek, while taking my hand. She gave it a little squeeze and pulled me over to the couch that held her and Charlie.

Esme and Carlisle were sitting across from us. Carlisle seemed too calm as he clasped his hands together in front of him. Esme seemed too happy. She was faking it, I could tell.

"Bella, as you know, Carlisle is a doctor. What you may not know is all the fields he specializes in. He's here to tell you about that." Okay...this seemed harmless enough.

I looked up at Carlisle to catch him give Charlie a look before he looked back at me with a smile.

"Well, Bella, I have skills in several different areas of medicine. Surgical, OBG/YN, Oncology, and Psychology..." Carlisle's voice trailed off as he finished his list.

Everyone sat quietly as I fiddled with my fingers in my lap.

"Bella, I've heard about your night terrors..." Spoke Carlisle softly.

My head snapped up to him and I became slightly confused, "Night terrors?" I questioned, not exactly sure what that was.

Carlisle cleared his throat, "Yes, well, they're a lot like nightmares, except much more realistic. Much more terrifying. Those affected by night terrors usually wake up still believing what they are dreaming. It can be quite horrifying."

I took a moment to process this, and found I couldn't disagree with Carlisle. The dreams were horrifying. Waking up to a panic attack everyday was beyond exhausting, as well. But, the problem wasn't my overactive imagination. It was my overactive memory.

"Do you think that you would be able to talk to me about those dreams, Bella? I am confident that I could maybe help...possibly make your nights easier for you."

I bit my lip and felt the worry line between my eyebrows appear. What none of them understood was that these nightmares, were just memories. Memories that plagued my mind day in and day out. They just seemed to manifest at night when my mind wasn't on guard. They'd never go away.

"I don't think you can help me." I whispered and looked straight at Carlisle, trying to convey what no one would ever understand, "These aren't dreams, Carlisle."

Carlisle's eyes narrowed in confusion, confirming my belief that either he would not believe me when I said they weren't dreams, or he would think I was insane. Well, insanity was still a probability.

"Bella, regardless, I think I can help. I really think I could...help you."

I took a deep breath and nodded, not wanting to break Carlisle's spirit. Maybe he could help me; I doubted it. And when the help failed, I'd pretend it worked. I would stay up all night, every night if I had too, just so he would think he'd made a difference.

Apparently, Carlisle and Charlie had already assumed I'd say yes, because I was to meet with Carlisle at his home later that night. _Fantastic._

Around noon, I was sitting on the couch in the living room, watching Seth play some video game. He had tried to get me to play to but I assured him that I would be no competition. He tried to argue with me a little more, but then dropped it, realizing how stubborn I was. Seth and I were getting along very well.

Leah was still another story. I didn't want her to think that I was trying to swoop in on her life and take over. That's how I felt she perceived me. How could I blame her though? First, I show up being Charlie's long, lost daughter from his insane first wife and second, I was caught practically ogling her boyfriend. I wasn't giving her anything _to _like about me.

She walked into the living room, carrying a Vogue magazine, and plopped down on the couch opposite me. I opened my mouth to greet her but noticed the glare she shot my way before ignoring me entirely to read. I clamped my mouth shut and stared at my clasped hands. I guess, just being quiet would be the way into her heart.

"Seth, turn off that shit. It'll rot your brain." Leah said in frustrated tone as she glared at the back of Seth's head. Seth scoffed, but continued playing, effectively ignoring her.

Leah rolled up her magazine and threw it at the back of Seth's head, eliciting a growl from him.

"Leah, seriously, do you come home just to annoy everyone? Because, that's all you do." After his statement, he turned back the to the television.

"I only come back because I'm forced to. I'd much rather be at school than here."

Seth paused his game and turn towards his angry sister, smiling arrogantly, "Bullshit. You come back to be a rotten little brat and trick more money out of mom and Charlie. You act like I don't notice the check you leave with every time you come."

Leah simply glared at Seth, not saying anything back. I figured the argument would end there, but I was terribly wrong.

"Oh, and to complete old vendettas."

Leah stood up and marched towards Seth, who remained seated on the floor, smirk still in place. I scooted to the end of the couch, furthest from this fight as I could possibly get.

"Shut the hell up, Seth! Get your nose out of my god damn business."

Seth rolled his eyes, but said nothing. Leah huffed, threw another glare at me, God knows why, and then marched up the stairs. I was left in complete bewilderment.

Seth turned off his game and the television before taking a seat next to me on the couch. He gave me an apologetic smile, "Sorry 'bout that. Leah's just a bitch. You get used to it."

I shrugged, acting indifferent, but I was still curious, "Why is that?"

Seth rolled his eyes again and leaned his head back against the couch, "I'll admit, Leah's had some tough times, typical teen girl shit. Dumped by a first love and still trying to get revenge. Though, I don't think she realizes that she's going about it the wrong way."

I narrowed my eyes in confusion, "I thought she was with Edward."

Seth's laughter filled the living room as he hunched over, tears practically pouring out his eyes, "You're kidding, right? Edward with Leah? No freakin' way. He doesn't have a death wish."

...okay, so what was that episode outside yesterday? Was that my imagination?

"But...I mean, I saw..."

Seth interrupted before I could finish.

"What? You saw Leah hanging all over him like a drunk college girl? Like I said, old vendettas."

So, Edward must have been the guy that dumped Leah in high school. First loves. I wondered what that was like. I had never had a first love. Heck, I'd never had a boyfriend either. I mean, I'd had guys ask me out in high school, to dances and what-not, but I never accepted. How could I? The moment Phil found out, me and the guy would have been dead. Plus, I was too cowardly to be a girl in love. Being in love meant giving yourself to another, opening up, committing. Opening up was a big issue for me. But my biggest fear? That I was more like Renee that I'd ever admit. What if...No...I could never do that. I could never get involved with someone. What if I left them like Renee left Charlie? What if I had kids and treated them like my mom did? What if I had more of her in me than I knew? And, when that part of me decided to come out, others would be hurt in the process.

Around five that night, Charlie drove me out to the Cullen home. Charlie and Carlisle left me to my own devices in the Cullen living room as they went upstairs to discuss whatever...more than likely me. _God, I hate being the topic of conversation._

While I sat rigidly on one of their couches, in the quiet living room, another entity decided to keep me company. I had been hoping for Alice, I'd even take Emmett. But, of course, it was Edward. Immediately, upon sight of him, my heart raced, my palms sweated, and my blush appeared. Could I be more predictable?

Edward gave me a small smile as he sat on the opposite side of the couch.

"You could have turned on the television, you know." He smirked, not the beautiful, crooked grin I loved, but a beautiful smirk none the less. _Ah, so perfect..._

"I'm not a huge fan of television," I confided, "I like the quiet." And, that was true. I absolutely adored the quiet. The quiet meant there was no chaos. No fighting. No screaming. Quiet was a virtue in my life.

Edward smiled again, "I like the quiet as well."

And so that's how it stayed. No television, no radio, no needless chatter. Just...quiet.

I chanced a look at Edward to find him staring at me intently. I felt uncomfortable under his scrutiny, being the self-conscious person I was. The moment I felt my cheeks heat up, he smiled.

"I adore your blush." he murmured quietly. Obviously, not wanting to break the peace too much. Though, I'd admit, his voice was more serene than the quiet. His voice could send me on an excited hype or lull me to sleep.

But, with that compliment, my blush grew, taking over my neck and ears. Edward laughed softly.

"So, what's Arizona like? I've only ever lived in Washington."

I felt comfortable with this question and so I answered...without stammering, "Hot, dry, and beautiful."

Edward grimaced, "No offense, but the desert doesn't sound too beautiful to me."

I laughed, having heard people say this before, "Most say that." I replied quietly, "But, I disagree. I think the desert is majestic. There's something about the dryness that makes everything look...I'm not sure how to describe it." I shook my head a few times, lost in my memories of my desert land. When I was able to get away without detection, I would take long walks through the hot sand and photograph the cacti. Also, the desert is quiet, void of most wildlife because of the hot and dehydrated climate. That, in and of itself, was beautifully peaceful to me.

After musing with my happier memories, I glanced at Edward to find him staring again, seemingly awestruck, though I had no idea why.

Desperate to get the conversation away from me, I turned it on him.

"So, are you in school?"

Edward let out a breath and leaned back against the couch, "Yeah. I'll be starting my junior year at University of Washington this fall."

"What's your major?" I was very interested in Edward, which wasn't a good thing. But, I figured, as long as I kept my curiosity innocent, no harm would come. To either of us.

"Medicine."

I smiled, involuntarily, "Like your dad?"

Edward looked at me and smiled, "Yeah, I suppose so. I can't lie. I've always looked up to him. Wanted to be just like him when I was a kid."

I laughed, "That's not a bad thing. I can see that he's a good person to look up to."

Edward didn't comment on that, but steered the conversation back to me, "What about you?"

I glanced away from him, feeling insecure once again, "I'll be working."

Edward stayed silent, but only for a moment, "What would you study if you could?" he asked quietly, in barely a whisper. I turned towards him, and smiled, slightly excited to tell him my dreams, even if I was sure they probably wouldn't come rue anymore.

"I would have studied English Literature. Possibly tried to be a book editor."

Edward's head cocked to the side, beautiful smile still in place, "You like to read."

It wasn't a question, more of a statement, but I answered with a nod anyway, unable to keep the smile from my lips.

"What types of books?"

I shrugged, "I'll read anything, but my favorites are the classics. Shakespeare, Austen, the Bronte sisters, Dante..." I trailed off. I could name them all, but it'd take all night.

"You could still go." Edward's voice was only a murmur, but it sounded sad. I looked straight into his emerald eyes, almost crying at how beautiful they really were. I realized I could look into those green gems until I died and be completely content with that. That was another dream that would never happen.

"Maybe...someday." I whispered.

I was lying, of course. I had realized, not too long ago, that even after I paid off all of my parents debt, paying for college would be near impossible. I could get loans, but then I'd accumulate my _own_ debt. I didn't need any more of that.

Edward, who was still staring into my eyes, looked like he realized I was lying about going to school as well. And for some reason, that seemed to be torturing him.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE**

**I know that I took a little longer to update this time. You know, Christmas and all. But, I am already partly through the next chapter, so that should be up fairly soon.**

**So, what did you think? I know, this may be slow, but every story needs a build-up. I'm just glad that Edward and Bella are getting in the picture together. There's lots in store for them. Some good, some bad. Just like every other relationship.**

**But, if you could, give me feedback. I'll take all comments and suggestions seriously. I want to know how you feel about this story. I understand, it's slightly dark and depressing, but there's a light at the end of every tunnel.**

**I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas, and that you will all have an amazing New Year.**

**Much Love,**

**Elizabeth Nicole**


	9. Leave Me For Dead

**Author's Note:**

***Comes out of hibernation with hands raised***

**You have every right to hate me. I know it's been forever. A couple things...**

**I'm the same author, just a different Pen name ( I get bored easy, sue me ****)**

**I am finishing this story. I really really am! I apologize to anyone who has been waiting an unnecessarily long time.**

**Recap: So, for those who have read up until this chapter, a little reminder. **

**Bella has met everyone. She is having minor problems with Leah, nothing serious yet. She is having nightmares constantly. Charlie finally decides to get her help and has her talk to Carlisle**

**This is where we are now. The meeting with Carlisle**

**Okay…let's get on with it then!**

I was sitting in Carlisle's office and I was scared; not of him, but of the walls that were already starting to crumble in my mind…surely, he would find a crack and pry it open.

I sat in one of the leather chairs that were living in front of his mahogany desk, and Carlisle was sitting in his office chair, eyeing me with a simple smile that seemed quite strained.

"Bella, I have already gathered that these dreams are more like night terrors, which I've already talked with you about…" he trailed off, obviously wanting me to acknowledge that I remembered our conversation from earlier. I gave him a slight nod.

"What I was hoping you could help me with is what these dreams are about."

I took in a deep breath and decided to correct him…again, "They aren't dreams, Carlisle."

Carlisle leaned forward on his desk, elbows resting on the fine, dark finish, "What are they?"

I averted my eyes from his and glanced out of his large bay window, noticing that today the sun was actually shining in this small town. This was the first time I could remember seeing that. I pondered that for a few moments until I realized he had asked me a question.

"They are memories." Simple answer; simple truth.

I could practically feel Carlisle eyes begging mine to meet his, and I was polite enough to oblige. His ice, blue eyes met mine and I crumpled at the sincere concern I could see laced within his orbs.

"Memories of what, dear?" He seemed nervous with his question, but I knew the answer was the part he was dreading. He might have been possibly dreading my answer more than I was.

"Lots of things," I said softly, "Childhood memories…things I don't want to remember…things that I can't forget…things that haunt me the moment my eyes close." I was wringing my hands in my lap, hoping in vain that he wouldn't ask any more questions; but then, what would be the point to this whole 'meeting?'

I didn't want to be a bother to him and so I decided to give him what I could without having to be asked, "The memories are always bad and always so frightening," I whispered, agonized that I was having flashbacks at this very moment just for talking about it. _Screaming, kicking, begging…_

"He's always there, Carlisle," I sucked in a deep breath as Phil's face invaded my vision, "Always there…hurting her…hurting me. Always yelling, always hitting…." I shook my head as my most recent dream made its entrance into my brain, "All the threats…all the crashes, the screams…" I felt the hot, liquid of my tears begin to drench my cheeks, "he'll always be there…even death can't take him away."

I rubbed my right hand furiously over my wet cheek and met Carlisle's eyes…he looked tortured. His cheeks had grown red, obviously not from embarrassment, and his blue orbs looked angry, though I knew he wasn't angry with me.

"How long did this go on?" Carlisle asked quietly, his voice cracking a few times, even though it was such a short question.

I shook my head, "I don't know," I whispered, "Those are the only memories I have…." I could see that Carlisle understood what I was trying to say. I wasn't saying that the good memories had leaked from my head; I was saying that the good memories had never existed.

Carlisle cleared his throat, "You said that you were taken out of public schools during your freshman year…can you tell me why?"

I bit my lip and felt my eyes fill up again, though I couldn't be sure the tears had ever actually stopped, "It's a bit too suspicious when someone walks in with bruises on her body," I whispered, "people asked questions…"

Carlisle leaned back in his office chair and stared, hard, at the ceiling. I could see his chest moving up and down rapidly, his breathing definitely labored. He seemed to be trying to get in control of himself; it didn't look like it was working.

We sat in tense silence for more minutes than I was able to count, before Carlisle finally met my eyes again. He shook his head, "That…" he stopped, looking at me again, "I'm so sorry…"

I narrowed my eyes in confusion, silently asking why this wonderful man would apologize to me? I didn't deserve apologies; not from him.

"I want these dreams to go away from you." He said determinedly," Now." He was suddenly writing down on a legal pad, hurriedly, as if I would fall asleep right here and be attacked by my terrors before his very eyes.

He must have forgotten I was here because he suddenly looked at me, startled, and sighed, "You may go back downstairs now, dear. You're father is down there with Esme. I'll be down shortly."

I was confused as to what was going on, but I obeyed and left his office as fast as my feet would carry me. I stepped down the stairs, carefully, hoping to avoid humiliation that was my clumsiness. I made it down, no scar or scratch, and stood in the living room of the Cullen home once again.

Immediately, after reaching the living room, I felt restless. I wanted to run. That's what I wanted to do. Revealing those things to Carlisle had happened so easily that I wasn't sure how to feel. I didn't feel well.

I took a seat on the couch and buried my head in my hands, slighting rocking back and forth. Telling Carlisle brought it all back, not as bad as the dreams, but bad enough. I didn't want to remember anymore. He had said he could make them go away. Talking about it didn't help, it made it worse.

As I sat through my mild panic attack, I noticed Charlie walk through the living room and up the stairs. I was thankful he didn't speak to me as he passed; I wasn't sure what my voice would sound like. I was even more worried about how I'd react.

I sat and pondered through everything I had spoken about to Carlisle and shuddered. I shouldn't have said anything. Talking about that stuff was not allowed; I knew that. Hell, I'd been punished for less.

_**10 years ago…**_

"_Did you dump that bottle, Isabella?"_

_I shook my head vigorously. _

"_Yes you did. Don't lie to me, dammit!" my mother screamed, stamping her foot._

"_I didn't" I whispered, my voice cracking with fear._

"_She's a fuckin liar, Renee! We've created a fuckin' worthless liar!" screamed Phil as he walked into the kitchen in a rage, "Get over here you little brat!"_

_Obedience. I had always been obedient. Not obeying wasn't an option so I walked over to my father and prepared myself._

_He grabbed my arm and dragged me upstairs to my bedroom. He threw open my door with such force that I could actually hear the plaster of my wall crack and crumble as it fell to the hardwood floor. He tossed me, face first, onto my bed and I grabbed a pillow to shove my face into. I knew what was coming._

_I felt his fingers grab onto the top of my pajama pants and pull down; along with my pants came my underwear. I heard the buckle of his belt undo and I bit in the pillow in anticipation. The first hit with his belt always hurt the most._

_The "whack" was excruciating due to the fact that Phil used the end of the belt that had the buckle. I could feel the pain from my bottom, to the tips of my feet, and the top of my head. My brain actually hurt from the overload of agony. I knew there were about nine to fourteen more whacks coming; it depended on how angry he was._

_Believe me; trying to run when he asked me to come to him would have ended worse._

I shook myself from the memory as tears threatened my eyes. I needed to stop all this damn crying. It was becoming ridiculous.

I was pulled further from my personal nightmare when I heard two sets of feet stomping quickly down the stairs. Charlie came down first; his eyes were wide and unreadable. I sank even further into the couch when Carlisle flew down after him, grabbing onto his shoulders to hold him back.

_Oh God, he's coming after me._

"Charlie, you need to relax, this won't help!" Carlisle seemed to be trying to keep his calm, but it I could tell it wasn't working.

"Carlisle, let me go, now!" Charlie attempted to push Carlisle off of him, but to no avail.

"Charlie, I know you're upset-"

"You have NO idea how I'm feeling right now!" Charlie roared. "That's my damn daughter, Carlisle!"

My panic and anxiety level reached a new level as Charlie and Carlisle practically brawled. Deep down I knew I was in no real danger, but try telling my mind that.

My hand was gripping the arm of the couch so hard I could feel my fingers aching with strain. I wanted to bolt but I was almost too scared to move.

As I was deciding whether or not to run, I heard another pair of feet speeding into the room. I glanced towards the doorway and saw Edward fly inside, his eyes panicked, staring right at me. I could tell the look on my face, the pure horror, was a mirror of his.

"Just let me talk to my daughter!" yelled Charlie.

That was it. I couldn't take it. My eyes flashed again to Edward's as I jumped from the sofa.

"Bella, wait!" yelled Edward

I couldn't hear him. I couldn't listen. I just ran.

I ran out of the house through the back door, jumped down the stairs of the deck, and of course, as God would have it, I fell to the gravel at the bottom. I could feel the little rocks and pebbles digging into my hand and the blood trickling from my knees. I could feel it but it wasn't enough to stop me.

I could hear all three men yelling my name, but I ignored it and kept running. I had no idea where I was going; my only destination was away.

There was a forest lining the property of the Cullen home and I headed right for it. I rushed through the trees, my legs moving faster than they ever have. My breath was bursting through my lungs, coming out in spurts; my heart was beating furiously; it almost hurt.

I tripped and stumbled all throughout the forest; I had no sense of time or direction. I just ran. I saw a log laying across the path I was running on and attempted to jump over it; not a good idea. I fell to the ground, bashing my knee on the hard, oak wood. I hit the ground so hard the breath was literally knocked out of me, my ribs aching for the hit. I whimpered in pain as I tried to move my leg; it wouldn't move.

After trying to right myself, and failing, I gave up. I just laid there. I didn't care about getting back, I doubted I could. I dug my fingers deep into the moist ground of the forest, laid my head on its side, and cried. Yes, I cried like a little baby.

Sobs racked my chest, shivers and shudders ripped through my spine; my body was shaking uncontrollably. I just wanted to give up. I was permanently trapped in my own personal hell. It didn't matter that Phil was dead and couldn't harm me anymore. It didn't matter that my mother couldn't burn me with her words of hatred and loathing. The damage had been done. I was forever ruined.

Day turned into dusk, and dusk turned into night. The air of the Olympic Peninsula went from mild to cold too soon and I was shivering; I wasn't going to move; it's not like I could if I wanted to.

Sometime after the sun set, I began crying once again; I wasn't really sure I had ever stopped. I ran my fingers through the mud as I tried to calm my breathing down. I was in pain and feeling lightheaded. I couldn't remember the last time I'd ate or drank anything…

Suddenly, I could hear the distinct sound of footsteps somewhere nearby. I lied very still. I didn't want to be found.

I choked down my tears and whimpering, even though the throbbing of my chest and knee were killing me. It didn't matter.

"Bella!"

That was Phil. It was Phil's voice! I dug my fingers deeper into the ground as if that would keep me stable; as if he couldn't hurt me if I held onto the earth hard enough.

"BELLA!"

_Please, please, please leave me alone… _I silently begged. _Please._

Out of nowhere I felt a jolt of electricity surf through my veins. I yelped loudly, scared of what that meant.

"Bella, sweetheart" I heard a melodic voice whisper. Immediately, my body calmed. "Bella, please open your eyes…please."

It was Edward and now I was calm. Now I was safe. I don't know how I knew. But I did.

**Author's Note:**

**Alright my lovelies, not the longest chapter, I know. The others will be longer. So…I know it definitely wasn't worth the wait, it wasn't monumental, but I'm finishing this story, I swear. Though, it will take a while because this isn't going to be short.**

**This story will be regularly updated! I'm hoping for an update EVERY week. Sometimes life will get in the way; I know, it sucks. **

**If you want to be informed for when I'll be updating, follow me on Twitter: MaeLynn21**

**Review, review, review. Show me I'm forgiven! **

**-Mae**


	10. Poison

**NO COPYRIGHT INFRIGEMENT INTENDED. ALL CHARACTERS BELONG TO THEIR PROPER OWNERS (AKA SM).**

His hands were kneading my back and I could hear his strained breathing from above me. He was panicking. It seemed ironic to me. I had been panicking up until he came here. Now I felt serene. Calm. I could die this way and be happy.

"Bella, please, talk to me."

I couldn't find my voice to speak a word so instead I reached behind me, towards him, and grabbed onto his thigh. He was kneeling next to me and his hands were busy searching my body for an injury.

The moment my hand grasped him, he gasped. One of his hands left my back and grabbed onto my hand that was resting on him. He squeezed my fingers and rubbed his thumb over my dirty knuckles, "Thank God" he whispered, his voice cracking with emotion, "Thank you, thank you, thank you." He was whispering, though I knew he wasn't talking to me.

He let go of my hand and I whimpered at the loss. I needed his hand. I don't know why, but I did. He didn't disappoint though since he gently grabbed onto my side to roll me over to my back. I cried out in pain as my knee jostled with the hard ground. Edward's eyes widened and looked down to my knee. He gasped again and shuffled down towards it. He placed his hand over the bleeding wound, and looked at me. "Oh, Bella…"

Tears were streaming down my face and I couldn't look at him anymore. The pain was horrible. I tilted my head up towards the sky and tried to make sense of what was going on with me. I had stumbled into Forks, looking for nothing more than a peek at what my life could have been like. I had learned that 'what if's' are devastating. Why dream of something that will never happen? What was I really doing here besides torturing myself?

"Bella look at me" I couldn't. So I just stared unseeingly towards the sky through the branches of the trees.

I felt his hand cup my cheek as he came towards my face. He tilted his head down and forced my eyes to meet his emerald ones. He didn't say anything for a moment; he just stared. His used the pad of his thumb to wipe away my tears and probably whatever grime I had managed to get on myself. He cupped my other cheek with his other hand and leaned forward, pressing his forehead to mine. "I thought we'd lost you" he whispered.

I didn't say anything. I just stared into him, through his soul, and what I saw was wonderful.

He kissed my eyelid and I gasped at the feel of his warm lips on my skin. He kissed my other eyelid and I couldn't help but reach up and touch his face. I laid the back of my hand on his cheek and tried to smile; I wanted to show him how much his affection was appreciated.

Edward's breath caught for a moment before he squeezed his eyes shut, "We have to get you home, sweet girl" He glanced down at my knee and his brows knitted together, "I can't carry you though it would be easiest" he said as he barely touched the broken skin of my knee, "I don't want you bending this that much…" he trailed off as he looked around himself.

"I'll be fine" I whispered, shocked that I was speaking at all, "I'll be fine" I repeated.

His eyes widened and met mine and a barely-there smile touched his lips. Then, the worry came back as he looked at my knee again. He let out long breath and looked back at my eyes. "Tell me if I hurt you…please"

I nodded, and kept silent once again. He, still being on his knees, placed one arm under my shoulders and the other under my knees. He gently began standing up, me cradled in his arms. A sharp pain shot from my knee immediately, but I kept silent. I could handle it. I'd had worse.

Edward let out a breath of relief when he was fully standing and cradled me closer to his warm body. I hid my face in the crook of his neck and tried breathing in and out evenly.

The trek back to the house seemed to take a much shorter time than it did for me to get all the way out there. As soon as Edward and burst through the trees that lined his home, I heard voices grow from dull whispers to loud yells. I could hear my name and Edward's being tossed around by so many people; I couldn't pinpoint who.

Edward leaned down towards my face and whispered softly, "just close your eyes, sweet girl."

So I did. Thankfully, some mercy came and I was sleeping the moment I let my eyelids fall.

I had been stuck in bed for almost three days and I was so unbelievably close to losing my mind. After Edward had carried me back to his home, his father had gotten right to work on fixing me up. He said that my knee wasn't broken, but it was definitely injured; I'd have to take it easy for a few days. I was extremely thankful that no one had attempted to bring up the sordid details of that day since. I wasn't ready to talk about it.

I sat up from my bed and glanced out the window. It was dark and gloomy; I wasn't surprised. I looked over at the alarm clock and sighed; midnight. What the heck was I going to do at midnight?

I needed a diversion.

I scooted myself to the edge of the bed and began the struggle of standing. It was a bit painful but nothing I couldn't handle. The first thing I did was shower, a long hot shower. I prayed the sound of the rushing water wouldn't wake anyone and thankfully, I lucked out.

I threw my hair up into a sloppy wet bun and headed for the stairs. I knew I couldn't leave; my car starting would definitely make too much noise. I wandered downstairs, made a pot of coffee, and headed into the living room.

Charlie and Sue kept a beautiful house; I was certain Sue had more to do with that than Charlie though. I sat down on one of the couches and looked around. This was the first time I'd taken the time to really check the place out. I glanced at the walls and found several pictures of the Swan family. The first one I noticed was a wedding picture; Sue and Charlie stood, smiling happily, wrapped around each other as young Seth and Leah stood in front of them beaming. Tears crept into my eyes as I analyzed the picture. If I had been around, where would I have stood? Probably in between Seth and Leah. We would have stood as a united front. Three kids willing to make room for each other share our parents' lives. Unfortunately, that wasn't how it happened.

Another picture that caught my eye was of the entire Cullen family with the Swans. Sue, Charlie, Carlisle, and Esme stood in back while all five kids congregated in front of them; much like the wedding picture. Beaming faces were splashed all around…except for one. Young Edward, who still was remarkably beautiful as a child, stood with a sad smile. He was looking next to him like he was looking at someone except no one was there. For a fleeting moment I imagined he was thinking of me…missing me. I shook my head to rid myself of those thoughts; that just sounded preposterous. He probably didn't even remember me.

The other pictures adorning the walls were simply school pictures of Leah and Seth. I glanced toward the fireplace and my breath caught. I stood and limped my way over. On the mantle there were three pictures. I was in each one. There was a picture of Charlie holding me in the hospital. The second picture was of Renee and Charlie with me cradled in Charlie's arms as Renee stood behind him with her arms wrapped around his shoulders. The last one was a copy of the picture with me being cradled in Edward's arms as I laid my chubby hand on his cheek; his face beaming at my own. More tears welled up in my eyes as I analyzed this beautiful picture for the second time. It was like we had known each other for years, even when I was an infant. I glanced back at the picture with the Cullens' and the Swans' with Edward's sad smile and knew, deep down, he had been missing me.

Deciding that I wasn't ready to deal with the repercussions of those thoughts, I turned away from the mantle and limped back to the couch. I took a long pull from my coffee mug and tried to relax. My knee was slightly aching but I was determined to power through this. Carlisle had been coming over every day, sometimes more than once, to check on me. I could tell he was placing the blame on himself for my manic episode a few days earlier; that thought was ludicrous. I had no idea how he could think my issues were his fault.

It wasn't just Carlisle that had become a frequent visitor of mine, but the entire Cullen family, save for one solitary person. Alice had stopped by every day as well, bringing with her an assortment of magazines. I had never been real into the lives of celebrities but I couldn't deny I was becoming slightly intrigued with them now. Even Emmett had stopped by. He had come over with a grocery bag full of junk food. I had been so grateful I'd almost cried which led to my favorite part of his visit; when he begged me not to cry claiming "I can't handle that!" It had been hilarious. Esme usually came with Carlisle bringing books from her personal collection to keep me occupied. I was ashamed to say that I had once, only once, skipped out on reading one of Esme's novels so I could read over an article on Brad Pitt instead.

But Edward had been completely absent from these visits. At first, I had felt hurt, though I knew I had no reason to feel that way; he owed me nothing. I just felt like I was always alone when he wasn't around; even when I was surrounded by everyone else. After I had pushed the hurt away, I had begun to feel relieved that he wasn't coming around. In all honesty, my manic episode the other day had frightened me more than I'd like to admit; I'd seen these exact episodes from my mother and I was beginning to think I was more like her than I'd hoped. Add to that the strange feelings I'd begun to feel for Edward, and it was a disaster waiting to happen. The farther he stayed away from me the better.

During my musings, I must have dozed off because the next time I opened my eyes, the sun was shining, my neck was hurting, and my knee was aching.

I glanced around and realized I was still on the couch. Embarrassed and hoping no one else had woken up yet, I began struggling to get myself back upstairs. While I was hobbling around trying to clean up the little mess I'd made in the living room, I heard a light chuckling coming from behind me. Startled, I spun around to find Seth smiling slyly from the kitchen doorway.

"Hey gimpy! How's the knee?"

I rolled my eyes with a laugh as I reached down to grab my empty coffee mug, "Terrific!" I said with false brightness, "Just peachy."

Seth gave another chuckle as he came towards me and took my mug, "I'll get that for ya gimpy. Can't be having you limping around all day. Lord knows, by the time you actually made it to the kitchen, I'd be an old man."

"Ha ha" I mumbled as he gave me a swift pat on the back to let me know he was only joking.

Seth and I had become even closer the past few days. The poor guy had been waiting on me hand and foot; I wasn't sure whether Charlie and Sue had assigned him to the job when they were away or if he did it out of pure kindness. Regardless, I was grateful.

After Seth had helped me clean up, he had practically carried me up the stairs. I had protested, telling him that I'd made it down them perfectly fine to which he'd retorted, "Yes, a miracle in and of itself. Let's not push it." The boy was so wonderfully aggravating.

I had been lying around for a few hours when I heard a few soft knocks on my door. I assumed it was Charlie or Sue and called them in while I attempted to hide my issue of "In Touch" under my bed.

"Oh God, she's gotten to you already." Said a beautifully musical voice from my doorway; a voice that made my heart stop one second and start beating furiously the next, "she's like a plague."

I glanced up and found Edward's green eyes sparkling with happiness; I could do nothing but smile back.

"What are you talking about?" I asked curiously, unsure of what and who he was talking about.

He smiled, walked over to my bed, knelt down, and pulled out the magazine I had apparently hid very badly, "I know you didn't go out and buy this yourself."

I blushed furiously and tried to snatch it from him. He simply held it about an inch further as he opened up to the page I'd folded over to hold my place, "Lance Bass? Really?"

I "hmmped", "Give me a break! I just found out that my fifth grade crush is officially out of the closet. It's a bit traumatizing."

Edward laughed and dropped the magazine back to the floor, "I'm not judging." Though clearly, he was…a little bit.

Edward sighed then, and ran a hand through his tousled bronze hair, "How are you?" he asked quietly as he gazed down at my knee. He reached a hand towards it but hesitated.

"It's alright" my voice sounded so breathy I was embarrassed. I blushed again and glanced towards the window. "Your dad said it was, uh, healing fine."

I felt Edward's hand make contact with my knee and I barely contained jumping out of my skin at the familiar shock.

"I'm sorry this happened." He whispered with pain clear in his voice, "I should have found you sooner."

I scoffed and glanced down at my hands that were in my lap, "Edward please, your father is already blaming himself for my stupidity, don't you do it too."

His hand left my knee and I pouted slightly at the loss of contact until I felt his soft, warm fingers pull my chin up so he could look me in the eye, "You aren't stupid, Bella. You are the most wonderful person I've ever known."

I could feel tears burning my eyes as I fought the sobs down, "That's easy for you to say. You've only known me for a couple weeks." I was humiliated that my voice managed to crack about three times in those two sentences.

Edward shook his head, "No, I've known you my whole life, Bella. I just…" he took a deep breath and exhaled, "Trust me when I say I have always known you."

I wanted to protest some more, even argue about that, but for some reason, I didn't believe him. I didn't know how what he was saying was possible, but I knew it was true.

"Bella, I…" his green eyes turned slightly darker as they stared at me. I could feel my chest heaving as his face came closer to my own. I didn't have a good handle on how I felt until his warm lips met mine. All the breath whooshed out of me as his hand cradled my cheek, bringing me closer. I could taste his intoxicating breath as my lips greedily sought out his. Somehow, my hands had wound themselves into his beautifully soft tresses, and I was pulling him closer. I had no idea where that brazen act had come from but I was too delirious to figure it out. Edward's fingers dropped down and he gently used them to nudge my chin so my mouth would open for him; I obeyed immediately. The moment his tongue met mine, I moaned; I didn't even have time to feel embarrassed because he replied with a moan right back. All my senses had gone haywire. The mere taste of him was driving me absolutely insane. I could feel my body come alive. After a few moments had passed and we were panting heavily into each other's mouths, he pulled away. His smiled at me and it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.

Before the euphoria of what had just occurred could hit me, panic overtook me. He couldn't be around me. He was saying all these wonderful things, making me feel these wonderful things, and I knew I was falling for him. God help me, but I was. And that was wrong. I was poison. I'd ruin him. I'd ruin him like my mother had ruined Charlie.

The more I thought about it the more I panicked. I could ruin Charlie too! I probably would. I'd destroy this entire family; both families. My episode had proved to me that I wasn't as sane as I had once thought. It had been so easy to claim sanity when I was comparing myself to Phil and Renee but now…

"You gotta go." I whispered frantically, panic bubbling over, "Leave."

Edward's eyes grew frantic, probably because of the manic in my own, "Bella, what's wrong?"

"Leave. You have to leave. Please." I could feel my hands shaking and I stuffed them underneath the covers, "I can't do this."

"Bella, please, talk to me" His voice was almost as hysterical as my own. I was already rubbing off on him.

I began pushing him away from me. Using as much force as my body could muster. He needed to go. I wasn't stable; I never would be.

Charlie obviously hearing my yelling came rushing into the room with fear written plainly on his face. Edward had stood up from my bed, his chest rising and falling frantically. Tears were rushing down my face with abandon now and I could hear myself mumbling incoherently.

"Leave Edward. Leave. Please. Leave." It was all I could make out from my shaking voice.

I curled up into the fetal position and continued mumbling insanely; I was a blubbering mess and I was disgusted with myself.

I could hear Charlie talking with Edward, attempting to coax him away and after a few minutes, he managed just that.

The moment the door closed behind Edward and Charlie, I broke down…completely.

**Author's Note**

**I actually feel horrible for doing this to Bella. She obviously has enough on her plate and here I go adding more to it. Don't worry, I won't keep these horrible things going on forever. I'm just spicing it up.**

**So, I took a while with this update, but I've been working my butt off lately. Blame Walmart! **

**I hope everyone is enjoying their summers, or what is left of them anyway. At this point, I have no idea when this story will be finished. I'm trying my best to get it done in a timely fashion; but I want it done right too. We'll just have to see.**

**Thanks again to all of those who stayed with me through my random disappearance. I promise not to go wandering off again.**

**Okay, no review! Please! I'm desperate! This story is all I have outside of my job at Walmart right now. How depressing is that? Exactly! So make my day and review!**

**Thanks lovelies!**

**-Mae**


	11. The Beautiful Woman She Was

Chapter 11— The Beautiful Woman She Was

I had perfected faking sleep at an early age; Renee used to call it playing possum. On the worst nights I had dealt with when living with Renee and Phil, I would fake sleep to avoid angering either of them. Lord knows they didn't need another reason to punish me. I could recall, with clarity, several nights when I could hear screams and objects smashing from my bedroom and I'd automatically curl up in the fetal position. I knew exactly how to take repetitive measured breaths, keep my eyelids loosely closed, and even let my eyes flutter a bit so it seemed I was dreaming. I had it down to a science.

This was probably why Charlie and everyone else hadn't tried to talk to me once they stepped into my room; they assumed I was sleeping. It was a relief.

After Edward left my mind was a chaotic place. I couldn't organize my thoughts long enough to relax and stop panicking. Once I had been able to calm myself down my conclusion had stayed the same; he needed to stay away from me. I was so beyond damaged and that damage couldn't be mended.

I felt an uncomfortable flutter in my stomach and sighed lightly; I was starving. I quietly scooted from my bed, bent down, and began rummaging around the books and magazines I'd collected on the floor; there had to be some leftover candy from Emmett's visit.

Unfortunately, my sneaking alerted the chief and he was opening my door seconds after I'd gotten up leaving no time to continue playing possum. It seemed as though he had been standing right outside the door the entire time.

"You're up." He observed, his hand still clutching the door.

I almost said that I wasn't up, just because I was frustrated with myself, but decided against it. "Yeah." was all I managed to get out.

Charlie quietly shut the door and took a seat on the edge of my bed. His eyes clearly conveyed his concern and a wave of guilt hit me like a freight train.

"We were worried about you" he said with a small smile tugging at his lips, "I've never known anyone who could fake sleep that long."

My mouth gaped open in surprise, "How did you know?"

Charlie's eyes look distant all of the sudden, as if he were in a different time and place altogether, "Your mother was a pro at doing that. Right after you were born she would always fake sleep when you'd cry so I would get up and help." He smiled again and a small chuckle escaped, "At first I had truly believed she was sleeping, but one night, after you had decided to throw up on me, I came back in grumbling about it and saw your mother's frame shaking with laughter."

I glanced away from his sad eyes and towards the window. I hadn't ever known my mother to feign sleep or even have something to laugh about. I couldn't remember her laughing at all; not even smiling, especially when she was around me.

"What's wrong baby?" asked Charlie softly, wiping tears I didn't know I had away from my eyes.

"I never saw her laugh" I confided, "I never saw her smile, or have fun, or play. I never saw anything like that."

Charlie's eyes closed for a moment and then opened with an emotion looking like determination behind them, "Bella, there's much you didn't know about your mother; things that you probably should have known…not that it would have made any difference."

"What things?" I asked.

Charlie scooted himself towards the head of the bed and rested his back against the headboard, apparently getting comfortable. He opened his arms to me and I climbed next to him letting his arm wrap around my shoulders. This was the first time I could remember really being held. It felt warm, safe, and just all-around wonderful.

_July 3__rd__ 1988 (Seventeen years earlier)_

Charlie pulled into his driveway feeling excited. It was his daughter's first July fourth holiday weekend and he wouldn't have to miss it because of work. Charlie loved his job, probably more than most people, but his family was number one. His Renee and his Bells. Those two were it for him.

He got out of his cruiser and headed into the house. He was well-aware Renee had invited the Cullens' over for a barbeque tomorrow and he was even more thrilled to be spending time with them. Renee and Charlie had both lost touch with their parents' recently and had been only children so the Cullens' were like an extended family for them.

Charlie entered his home and could hear Isabella crying immediately. He ventured deeper inside and could hear his daughter's wailing getting even more intense. Immediately, he was worried. He went straight upstairs and found his wife lying on her side, eyes open and alert, just staring at his daughter as she rolled around helplessly crying in nothing but a diaper. The air was on full-blast in the house and he knew his daughter had to be freezing.

"Renee, what are you doing?" Charlie asked anxiously as he grabbed his little girl and cradled her cold body to his warm one, "Renee!"

Charlie didn't raise his voice…ever, but this was different. Renee had been acting strange for a few months now. She was acting completely indifferent and aloof especially in regards to their daughter.

Renee didn't utter a single word; she continued to lay there staring at absolutely nothing. Soon, tears began leaking from her eyes and her body began to shake with sobs. Charlie went immediately into husband mode. He wrapped Bella in a blanket and laid her in her crib and then went to tend to his beloved wife.

He picked her up and cradled the small woman in his arms, carrying her to their bed. He wasn't sure what had been going on with Renee but he was worried that it wouldn't be ending anytime soon.

"I'm no good" Renee whimpered sadly, "I'm a horrible mother! I'm a horrible wife!"

"No, baby, no you're not. You're a wonderful mother and a wonderful wife. I adore you and so does Isabella."

Renee continued to sniffle and sob, "Then why wouldn't she stop crying?" asked Renee, "She hates me"

Charlie shook his head at his silly wife. He figured being a mother was hard on Renee; his little free-spirit. Renee had never been the type that would one day settle down and have children. She had been somewhat of a hippie in her younger years, not that she wasn't young now. In fact, Charlie and Renee were both young, much younger than most when having a family, and he assumed that had something to do with it. He couldn't disagree that he had missed his adolescence. At twenty-one he definitely could have been doing something a little more fun than raising a family, but he was happy. He thought Renee had been happy too.

"Sweetheart, babies cry. Sometimes for no reason at all. Sometimes they just want to be held, or carried, and cuddled. I'm sure Bella was just being cranky. It's not your fault."

Charlie comforted his wife for about an hour and then decided to call off the barbeque. With his wife in such a state, he didn't want any added pressure of being a host the next day. He wasn't sure how long she'd be in this funk. But if he knew Renee, which he did, she would probably be better than normal in a day or two. Renee had this uncanny ability to be downright sad for days and then she'd bounce right back as if nothing had happened. Little did Charlie know that these little signs, or symptoms rather, were much more serious than a bout of sadness from a young woman who missed her freedom. There was something much more eating at Renee; something she couldn't control; a chemical lacking in her brain.

_The morning of July 4__th__, 1988_

Charlie awoke much later than normal. Glancing at the clock he noticed it was past ten in the morning. Renee must have turned off the alarm. He got up stretching and yawning and headed to the bathroom to take a shower.

He went first to Bella's room to check on his litter girl and found she wasn't there. Sure enough, he went downstairs and saw her crawling around the floor, giggling and laughing. Things were back to normal.

He found Renee in the kitchen, smiling, singing, and dancing. Her energy was almost palpable in the small area. She twirled in circles, grabbing a spice here and a plate there. He glanced out towards the backyard and noticed it was all set up for a barbeque. He immediately cringed, he had forgotten to tell her he'd called it off.

"Good morning" Charlie said, getting his wife's attention.

Renee squealed excitedly and pounced at him. He caught her easily and only stumbled at bit. She began giggling as she nipped at his neck playfully. His nips and kisses turned much more serious than playful and soon she was trying to undress Charlie right in the kitchen. He gently grabbed onto her wrist to stop her before she went too far.

"Renee, are you alright?" Charlie was obviously concerned since his wife had been practically comatose the night before.

She beamed back at him, "Of course Charlie, why wouldn't I be?" she began dragging her nails down her young husband's chest, "Now, I want to be with my husband, is that so horrible? I called the Cullens' and told them that the barbeque was still on but they won't be here for a while yet." She began rubbing her hands across his body, "I want you…" she whispered seductively.

Charlie was torn. His little girl was in the next room and he wasn't about to ravish his wife right in the kitchen. Before he could say yes or no, Renee dropped to her knees and made him forget his internal debate…he might have even forgotten his name.

_Later that day_

The barbeque was in full-swing now. Carlisle and Charlie were grilling hot dogs and hamburgers at lightning speed while Renee and Esme worked on cutting up fruit for the kids' healthy snack. Emmett was running around Charlie and Carlisle, begging to help, while infant Alice slept the festivities away in Bella's crib. Edward was with Bella in Renee's small garden. He was holding her hand and walking around, picking flowers he thought she'd like. The two of them were a sight to behold.

"They're meant to be Renee" said Esme as she watched her young son stop Bella from falling. Bella was s till a bit too young to be walking and though she had picked up the skill quick from the boys, she was still clumsy.

"I know" said Renee with a smile as she glanced over at her daughter and Edward. Renee was feeling better now. She felt less restless and calmer. She took pleasure in the few moments where she felt normal since it was becoming more and more rare. Her erratic behavior had gradually been getting worse for months now and she was having a hard time putting on a front. She could no longer control herself and that frightened her. But, in moments like this, she simply enjoyed herself.

Meanwhile, Charlie was talking quietly with his best friend Carlisle. He was going over the strange moods his wife had been having the last few months and how he was starting actually worry for her. Charlie had no idea what was going on and he definitely didn't know that Renee already knew. Renee had known how she was since she was a child. She had never told a soul though and had somehow managed to keep her dark secret away from the chief, her husband.

Carlisle stood listening in concerned silence. These moods his dear friend was referring to were slightly jarring to him. He was a doctor and so, of course, he was analyzing each detail Charlie put in front of him. Renee's increased energy, her lack of sleep, and her increased sexual drive. Then he began analyzing the lower moods Charlie had told him about; the crying, the helplessness, the exhaustion, and the emptiness Charlie had described from a day earlier when he had found Renee staring indifferently at their hysterical daughter.

Carlisle didn't say as much to Charlie, but he was more than concerned. He had seen these types of symptoms in several other people and he'd dealt with them fine. But this was different. This was Renee, one of his best friends. This was hitting too close to home for him.

He decided to see if he could catch her alone sometime that night before he and Esme took their kids home. He was determined to find a way to help his friends and maybe talking with Renee, trying to get her to see someone, would help.

Later on, Carlisle noticed Charlie showing an excited Emmett his baseball card collection; both Charlie and Emmett were currently in another world completely. He then noticed Esme had disappeared upstairs to feed their newest child, their first daughter, Alice. Carlisle felt slow warmth take over him as he thought of his new baby. He quickly shook those thoughts from his head and left the living room. He couldn't see Edward and Bella anywhere but he knew they were safe. Edward wouldn't let a fly touch Bella. He found Renee in the kitchen, washing dishes. He approached her carefully with a small smile on his face.

"Do you need any help?"

Renee jumped at the sound of Carlisle's voice and laughed, "God, you scared me." She breathed, "Yeah sure. You can dry." She threw him a towel and Carlisle promptly began drying each dish meticulously.

"So Renee, how have you been?" Carlisle decided to start somewhere easy.

Renee didn't seem to notice Carlisle's prying eyes, "I've been fine" she said with a chuckle, assuming Carlisle was trying to be funny somehow, "And how about you? Is that little girl keeping you on your toes?"

Carlisle was taken off guard as his mind went straight to his daughter and away from the issue at hand, "She's wonderful. A true blessing."

Renee nodded thoughtfully. She had known that when Carlisle and Esme had discovered they were pregnant with their third, they had decided it would be their last. Both had been secretly hoping for a girl but neither said as much out loud not wanting to appear ungrateful. When Alice had finally been delivered it had been a happy day for all of them.

Carlisle glanced at Renee and noticed her distant smiling and calm demeanor. She seemed…fine. He had half a mind to just forget the whole thing but then remembered how worried Charlie had seemed and how he had described how Renee had left Bella on the floor, practically naked, in the freezing air. Details like that were hard to forget and instead of letting it go, he mulled on.

"Renee, Charlie was pretty worried about you last night." Carlisle didn't miss how Renee automatically tensed up upon hearing his words, "He said you were pretty out of it. Want to talk about it?"

Renee's frame had gone completely rigid and her dish washing had become frantic. Carlisle recognized these moods instantly. She was in the middle of what a doctor called the "manic" part of the disorder, though he wasn't sure how she had been feeling so calm during this part. Carlisle wasn't sure whether to feel relief for figuring out what was going on with her quickly or to feel saddened that she was dealing with this at all.

"Renee, we can help you-"

"No!" she screamed, dropping the dish she had been washing back into the water, and cutting him off, "No! I'm fine! Just…just leave me alone!"

Renee was beyond frantic now. She was glaring at Carlisle menacingly and backing away from him. Her breathing was erratic and her entire frame was shaking. Charlie ran into the room at the point and noticed his wife immediately, "Renee, sweetheart, what's wrong?"

"I'm fine!" Renee screamed. Somewhere in the background Bella began crying at the sound of her mother's frantic voice while young Edward cuddled her close to him, trying to keep her safe.

Charlie glanced over at Carlisle, "What happened?"

Carlisle held up his hands, "Charlie, I know what's wrong with Renee. We can help her."

At first, Charlie was angry that Carlisle had set Renee off. Then, after a few moments, he realized that this could be a good thing. If Carlisle knew how to make Renee better, then everything would be better.

Charlie looked back over at Renee and noticed that she was about to collapse into hysterics. He rushed towards her and cradled her in his arms before she could drop. Her sobs were wracking her body with abandon and tears were pulsing down her cheeks at a panicked speed.

"Baby, shh. You're okay. You're fine." Charlie said in an attempt to calm his wife.

"I'm sorry" Renee repeated over and over, "I'm so sorry."

Charlie had no idea why she had been apologizing at the time. He would realize why soon enough.

_Present Day_

I sat in stunned silence as Charlie finished his dark tale. Renee had been sick all along. She had had mental issues. Symptoms Charlie mentioned began eating away at my mind; things I had noticed with Renee were so similar to the things Charlie had mentioned. I could remember Renee's excitement with little clarity; it was the low moods that really stuck out to me; her sadness, her anger, her overall lack of concern for everyone, including herself. I realized that I had been more scared of Renee's manic moods than her lower ones. Her mania had been downright frightening; not the happy and hyper Renee Charlie remembered. I remember something a little different.

Renee's mania for me had been her panic attacks. Renee would be panicked and paranoid; not happy and hyper. She would curse and run around like a chicken that got its head cut off. Selfishly, I had wished for Renee to be sad and depressed rather than manic.

Regardless, the pieces started falling together after Charlie's story and I was more scared than I had been before.

"Renee left about three days after that incident. I never saw her again though I did manage to get her on the phone a time or two…" his voice drifted off as he remembered, "She had gone to stay with her mom, I assume anyway. I went there to get her but she had disappeared again and her mother refused to tell me where. I spent many months, probably longer, searching her out, sending letters to her mother's in the hopes she'd receive them. In the end, after I learned more about Renee's…disorder…I was more scared for you. I was afraid if I continued to push and follow her she'd do something…drastic. Instead, I talked with her one more time and told her to take care of you…to let you come to me when you were ready." I could see tears in Charlie's eyes, "Obviously, she just…let you forget me. And now, I have only myself to blame for everything that happened to you. The things you've said and the things that happened that you refuse to say. I'm so sorry baby."

My tears followed my fathers and we cried together in a huddled mass of arms.

**Author's Note:**

**So? What did you think? This chapter was finished quickly, because I have to go to work, so please try and ignore any errors with grammar. I don't have a beta so there is only one pair of eyes looking at this thing. I'm sure you all know how it goes.**

**Let me know what you think! **

**You can follow me on twitter if you're interested in updates for this fic or if you just want to see the random whining I usually do on there.**

**Twitter: SMCrow21**

**Much love to you, my beauties! **


	12. The Essence of Us

Chapter 12—The Essence of Us

My discussion with Charlie had rocked the barely-there foundation I was already balancing on. I was finding it beyond difficult to cope with the details Charlie had trusted me with. Renee had been deranged for lack of a better word. I suppose I had seen the signs, or symptoms, but I had been nothing but a kid and Renee's behavior was all I had ever known. Did that mean that Phil was deranged as well? I didn't think so. Phil, while just as crazy and neurotic as Renee, had been devilish in my eyes. He had been straight evil most times and seemed to get some sort of sick satisfaction out of my pain and suffering. He quite enjoyed harming Renee as well. Maybe he had been antisocial or something?

It really didn't matter what Renee and Phil had regarding sicknesses; they were both gone forever. For the first time since their death, I felt the need to mourn; not for Phil but for Renee…my mom. When I had first learned of her death I had been shocked and felt the tell-tale signs of loneliness but I hadn't really felt sad and I hadn't felt the need to grieve. She had given me such a hard time my entire life I had actually felt…free. I felt selfish now for feeling that way. Had I known Renee's true hardship had lied within the chemical make-up of her brain I might have felt differently towards her. I suppose it really didn't matter though. The Renee Charlie had described wasn't the Renee that had raised me. It wasn't the mother that had tucked me in at night, because she never did that. It wasn't the mother that read me a bedtime story since she never did that either. She hadn't played with me, laughed with me, helped me with homework, took me out to a movie or for ice-cream. None of those things, the types of things normal kids do with parents, was ever done with me. I had spent my childhood hiding scared and alone in various rooms of the house. I'd choose a hiding spot, keep it for as long as I could, and when Renee or Phil would discover it I'd make it my life's mission to find another. You'd be surprised the types of places I'd hid. My least favorite had been under their bed because who would think to check there? They had and it had cost me.

Still, I found my mother's end sad. If she had stayed and gotten help, neither of our lives would have turned out this way. Maybe we'd all be together; one big, happy family. I scoffed at myself; this wasn't a movie or a fairy-tale. This was real life and in real life things often, more times than not, fall apart without permission. I couldn't control myself and my life any better than Renee could.

Charlie had given me a lot to consider. Deep down I had silently wondered why Charlie had never come for me if he had known I was still alive and well. I could understand his reasoning now; he was trying to protect me by not pushing Renee too far. I knew all too well what happened when she was pushed. But I couldn't fight off the emotions of abandon. I felt abandoned by Renee and Charlie alike. How could Renee let me live out my childhood with her sickness and Phil's evil? How could Charlie allow Renee to take me away and not do everything in his power to get me back? He was a cop for Christ's sake!

I placed my head in my hands in an attempt to reign in my anger. I felt stupid for trying to place the blame on Charlie; I knew now, more than ever, that what had happened was not his fault, regardless if he felt that way or not. Renee…well, I was having a harder time _not_ placing blame on her but I felt it was difficult to really lay it all on her. She had been ill and not in her right mind. Maybe if she had been, we would have been okay. It didn't matter now. She was dead, Phil was dead, Charlie was remarried and had two new kids; kids who weren't messed up. Where did I really fit in?

"_Unfortunately with the dead people_" my brain taunted.

I tried not to listen to it but I could see the truth in that. My home had always been with Renee and Phil. Maybe it was time to let it all go. I had come here, done what I had wanted to do, and it was over. I had met Charlie, gotten an explanation, met the people who I probably would have been unbelievably close to had my life gone differently, and that was all I could really ask for. I had no right to expect anything from anyone.

Maybe it was time to pack it up and go back to Phoenix. My life was there now and had been since I could remember. I would go back, get a decent job, pay off the Dwyer debt, and maybe one day get back to school. I had a life ahead of me, I knew that now.

For some reason, as I was analyzing my newly found plans, Edward's face popped unexpectedly into my mind. I had tried my best to ward him off from my thoughts and with Charlie's talk it hadn't been hard to do. Now, his memory was as fresh as ever and just thinking about his face sent my heart into spasms.

Edward…

I had spent the rest of the day outside, helping Seth fix up his car. Well, I wasn't so much helping as I was watching and handing him tools. I enjoyed his company though, much more than Leah's. Leah still seemed hell-bent on hating me and I could barely stand being in the room with her angry glares. I wasn't totally sure why she hated me though. At first, I had assumed it was because I had popped up out of nowhere and stolen a bit of attention—even if I hadn't wanted it—but that didn't seem quite right. Then, I had figured it was because of my ogling Edward when it was so obvious to me that she was with him—which she hadn't been—but that didn't seem right either. Seth had tried to tell me she was just a bitter person for reasons known and unknown to him and to ignore her. That was easier said than done when someone was glaring daggers into the back of my head twenty-four/seven.

"So, are you coming tonight?" Seth asked as I handed him some weirdly-shaped tool, "the food is delicious."

Charlie and Sue had told me that they had planned a dinner out with the Cullens' for tonight at the local diner; the same diner I had run into Charlie at the first time.

I had really wanted to say no but had decided against that. What else did I really have to do? Plus, if I was planning on leaving anytime soon I wanted to make as many memories with these people as possible.

After helping Seth, I had showered, changed, and even did my hair. Instead of straightening it like I had become accustomed to in Phoenix, I blow-dried it and let it flow. I had to admit that my hair was the one aspect of me that rarely let me down. I had gotten the thickness and life of it from Renee but I'd definitely gotten the color from Charlie. The mahogany tresses hung down past the middle of my back now—I was in need of a hair-cut—and it hung in curls and waves that even had a history of bouncing as I walked. I ran a brush through my hair once more and attempted a smile in the mirror. It would be a good night.

When Charlie, Sue, Seth, Leah, and I arrived at the diner, the Cullens' were already there and seated. Emmett and Alice had left their better-halves behind on this outing so we were able to fit in one table. I made it a point to avoid Edward's eyes at all costs even though I feel them burning into me. Alice greeted me excitedly and I sat across from her. Unfortunately, Edward sat right next to his sister so I was forced to face him whether I liked it or not.

The meal flowed well, as did conversation. Thankfully, none of the questions directed at me seemed too intrusive and I had become much more comfortable answering them.

"So, do you love Arizona, Bella?" asked Esme as she smiled reassuringly at me. Esme, I knew, would have been like a second mother to me had I stayed. She was warm, comforting, and motherly in all the right ways. I found myself wanting to huddle against her for those feelings.

"I do." I said with a smile, "Arizona is beautiful."

"What sort of things do you do there?" Esme continued as she took a sip of red wine.

"I don't really _do_ anything, per say. I usually find myself just walking the deserts or visiting bookstores around town."

Esme continued to pepper me with questions about the books I had read and loved. I found that she and I had quite similar taste in terms of literature and she was all too willing to open up her personal library to me; something I was nothing short of excited about.

When dinner had ended and we had stuffed ourselves with dessert, the parents' fought over whom was going to pay the check as the rest of us wandered outside.

Alice walked away quickly to dial Jasper while Emmett fiddled around with his own cell phone; I assumed he was attempting to reach Rose. Leah and Seth had started getting into a pretty heated argument over God knows what. So that left me…and Edward.

He approached me quickly and laid a hand gently on my arm, "Bella, can we please talk?"

I wasn't ready for this; I never would be, "There's really nothing to talk about Edward." I was being horrible, I knew that. I just couldn't stand the thought of hurting him. It amazed me that I cared and ached for him so much after only knowing him for such a short time, but that only strengthened my resolve. I wanted him happy and protected and I wasn't sure I could keep him safe.

"Bella please…I'm begging you-"

"Alright, time to go!" announced Carlisle, cutting Edward off. Half of me was thankful and relieved while the other half was falling apart. I stared right into his desperate green eyes and wanted to die. I wanted him so badly, so completely that it was starting to consume me. And if I didn't know better, it seemed Edward had already been consumed…had been for some time.

The ride home with Charlie, Sue, Leah, and Seth was quiet…until Seth and Leah began their bickering again. Charlie and Sue attempted to rein them in and then gave up, sensing the lost cause.

When we got home I went straight upstairs to bed. It had been an exhausting couple of days. Dealing with my panic attack, my rejection of Edward, faking sleep for almost a full day, learning of my mother's derangement, and then dealing with Edward again had really taken its toll on me.

I lay tossing and turning for quite some time. I couldn't fall asleep. I felt restless and on edge…out of control. I would turn towards the window and stare at the stars hoping their beauty would soothe me and when that didn't work I'd turn the other way and stare at the door hoping boredom would send me into slumber…that hadn't worked either.

Again, I turned back towards the window hoping for a different result and realized immediately that wouldn't happen; because when I looked out the window I could no longer see the stars—unless you considered two emerald eyes, stars.

I wasn't scared, frightened, or even startled when I realized it was Edward outside my window. I felt peaceful…comforted. His eyes were staring right at me, begging to be let in, and I could no longer deny him.

I went over to the window and unlocked it. He helped me push the eroded wood up and then he stepped gracefully inside. Neither of us spoke or even moved in the first few moments. My heart was pounding so frantically I was sure he could hear it too.

Finally, I reached towards him and laid my hand on his face, loving the feel of his day-worth of scruff scratching my hands. He placed his hand over mine and leaned his cheek further into my hand. I felt tears filling my eyes and the moment he noticed them too he crushed me against his body; I easily molded his frame.

"Bella…" he whispered softly, "I…please…"

I wasn't sure what he was asking for but he already had my permission. I couldn't say no; not tonight. Not when I was so desperately wanting and needing him. He wrapped me in his arms and walked me towards the bed. We both laid down, facing each other, our hands, legs, arms all connected in some way.

"Why do you keep running from me?" he asked breathily as his hand caressed my face tenderly.

"I don't want to hurt you."

"The only way you could hurt me is by running from me" he retorted, "Bella, I have loved and adored you since the moment you came to this earth. I can remember, with perfect clarity, holding you for the first time, helping you walk, getting you to laugh, cuddling you when you were scared or sad." His eyes took on a misty forest green then, "I know you may think I'm crazy but I've been with you forever; every moment of your life. I have missed you and waited for you and longed for you…now that I have you I won't let you push me away."

Before I had time to respond, his lips were on mine. Desperate and needy were our kisses; tugging, pulling, wet, soft and hard all at once. It was such a mixture of a million things. He pushed me backwards until my legs hit the bed and we collapsed onto it together. My hands immediately went straight to his hair where in my own desperation I pulled. He moaned loudly and began pushing against my body. My body quaked in pleasure when I felt the weight of his body on mine and like my legs had a mind of their own, they instantly wrapped around his waist, pulling him impossibly closer.

He was what I needed. This, tonight, was what I needed.

His lips left mine and went straight for my neck; kissing, nipping, worshiping. My breaths were pants now and I couldn't seem to get my wits about me. My mind was clouded with my need for him that I couldn't begin to care about thinking straight anymore. My fingers finally let go of his hair and travelled down his back until they got to the hem of his shirt. I tugged knowing I needed it off of him. He obliged and the moment my hands met the warm skin of his body, I reacted.

"I need you." I whispered anxiously, "Now, please."

Edward moaned deeply, the sound rumbling in his perfectly-sculpted chest. His hands tore away at my own shirt and I was left in nothing but a pair of boy-shorts and my bra. His eyes stared raptly at my chest, and then went to my eyes, "You are perfect…"

Before I could do or say anything more his lips were on my chest, sucking at cleavage in the most pleasurable way. He pulled the right cup away from my breast and began sucking and licking my nipple, making my toes curl and my moans get louder. He used the tip of his tongue to swirl around peak and then he gently bit down. I will never know how, but he had made me cum…just by doing that.

I had never had an orgasm before and the feeling was overwhelming. I stiffened momentarily before my body began to quake. Edward, obviously sensing what had happened, was only spurred on.

"God" he grunted, watching me as I came down, "Jesus Christ."

I could feel his hard length pressed up against the crotch of my underwear and that almost got me to cum again.

"Edward…Edward…" I wasn't making sense, this I knew, but I didn't care. I had to say his name; I had to hear it over and over.

I began getting frantic then. My fingers urgently went to his jeans and I coaxed them open. With my feet, I pushed them down and with them came his boxers. I went to rid myself of my own underwear when Edward's hand wrapped around my wrist to stop me.

"Bella…" he breathed, "Not now…not like this. Not with Charlie and Sue across the hall and I have to keep silent. I can't control myself right now."

"I don't care" I whispered "Edward, please. I…"

He didn't let me finish. He covered my mouth with his as he eased his hand into my shorts. The moment his lithe fingers made contact with my wet heat, I arched. My legs immediately fell open to his ministrations and he swallowed my moans with kisses.

When his finger entered me I had to hold onto him. I grabbed onto his back and accidently dug my nails deep into his skin, causing him to growl and moan. I felt his length jump in anticipation of what Edward was not letting happen and I couldn't hold out anymore. I grabbed onto his hardness gently and let my fingers trail down its smoothness. Edward's breath caught in his throat and he was still for only a moment. When he got his wits about him he added a second finger inside me and ravished my mouth with his lips.

His fingers pumped into me, in and out, in and out. Deeper and faster. He was working my wet heat with the skill of a man. I could actually hear the slickness as his fingers slid in and out of me, the wet sounds only turning me on more. To have a part of him inside me, any part of him, was heaven. I felt complete in ways I was too scared to analyze now. Still, he pumped harder, faster, coaxing my juices straight from my center.

I could feel my stomach tightening and my legs began to shake. I began stroking him harder and faster, in time with the beating of my heart. We swallowed each other's moans and groans to keep from being found out.

"Cum for me, Bella. I need to feel it…see it…" his words were breathy and anxious like he would not be able to live if I didn't do as he said. He didn't need to worry. The moment the words left his mouth, my body exploded for a second time. I could feel my essence draining from me and onto his hand as he played away at my core sending me spiraling more than once; his eyes never left my face.

When he was certain he had drained me of it all, he let his hand drop and I immediately took over. I pushed him to his side gently and wrapped my leg around his waist, bringing my heat and his length right against each other. He tried to pull away, but I held him still.

"I'm not..." I said as an explanation. I replaced my hand on his throbbing cock and stroked him with purpose. It took only seconds until he was moaning uncontrollably. With my heat so close to him I knew the cum that was still seeping from me was seeping onto his hardness, making it better for him.

"Oh god, Bella…!" his breath left him in a whoosh as his entire body began to spasm. I could feel liquid heat shoot onto my skin and I loved every moment of it. I wanted him on me. I wanted his smell, his scent, every part of him on me…in me.

His arms wrapped around me in a vice grip and his breaths began to calm, "You can never leave me again" he said, urgency clear in his voice, "Promise me…"

But he knew as I well as I that I wouldn't promise that…I couldn't.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**So…? Not a whole lot happened in this chapter but enough did. I didn't want to overload it with more than one major event and this event was necessary; even I was tired of waiting (teehee!) Of course, Bella isn't going to make it easy on anyone, especially me, so the fight isn't over yet. **

**I hope you enjoyed this chappy; either way, let me know with a review, I really appreciate it! **

**The next chapter might take a little longer than normal to be put up. I'm currently in the middle of a family crisis and things are about to get pretty bad soon. So, please, be patient with me.**

**Alright lovies, go review!**


	13. Breakaway

Chapter 13—Breakaway

I had begun discreetly packing up my belongings. I knew I would have to fess up sooner or later but I was too eager to enjoy the last of my trip to sully it with good-byes too soon.

I was dragging a laundry basket full of clean clothes when I accidentally bumped into somebody in the hallway. I stopped dead in my tracks and began having a slight panic attack since I could have sworn Charlie and Sue were gone for the day.

"Something you'd like to share with the class, Bella?" asked a taunting and familiar voice.

I breathed a sigh, half relief and half frustration, and turned towards Leah. She stood before me with her hands on her hips and a angry gleam in her eye, awaiting an answer.

"I'm just doing laundry, Leah" I said waving my hand dismissively and pushing past her.

I went to room my room and would have shut the door right after entering if Leah's foot hadn't placed itself right in the way. The door bounced away from the jam and Leah smiled mockingly.

"If its just laundry you're doing then why are your suitcases pulled out, huh?"

I dropped the laundry basket to the ground and fell heavily onto my bed. I really didn't want to deal with her now, or ever for that matter, but as always I wasn't being given much of a choice.

"Look Leah, I'm leaving soon alright? Probably tomorrow or the next day and I haven't told anyone yet. I'm sure you're happy to see me going anyway. So, if you don't mind…" I trailed off glancing pointedly at my suitcases.

Then, something interesting happened. I noticed for the first time ever that Leah's face had softened from an angry glare to…resignation? I wasn't quite sure the exact emotion but I could tell it was much less hateful than usual. It made me pause for a few seconds before returning to my packing.

Leah stood somewhere behind me just seemingly watching.

"I don't _hate_ you." She muttered as if my statement had offended her.

I wanted to say something but decided to stay silent. There were many reasons I suspected Leah hated me and if she didn't want to discuss them, neither did I.

"I'm just frustrated with you."

I turned around to face her then, confusion evident on my face, "How do I frustrate you?"

Leah shook her head causing her long black hair billow out behind her. She crossed her arms, leaned back against the wall, and stared at the floor, "It's not even you…per say…just…"

I waited expectantly, crossing my own arms and sitting down on my bed.

"Okay, look, it's like…everyone here, Charlie, my mom, _and_ my brother have been doing nothing but singing your praises since you arrived. Add to that the entire Cullen family and it's like we are housing Mother Teresa. And to add insult to injury you've taken Edward as well. Not that I necessarily want him I just…you two act like you've been together forever and it's weird and it's annoying because you haven't. You don't know us and we don't know you. And yet, you just came in here and settled yourself like you belonged. And before you say anything, I know you didn't have any intention of sticking around or even introducing yourself but they found you and you're here and it's like you're all anyone can talk about. I'm just sick of it. You're not a Swan and you're not a Cullen and I just think that maybe it's time for you to go…but, you seem to already be doing that so…"

Leah took a deep breath, let it out, and then walked away. I sat there, staring at my door for a few minutes before looking down at my suitcase; every insecurity I had felt about being in this house and being with these people resurfaced at her words. She was right in every sense. Especially with the statement that they didn't know me and I really didn't know them. That was fact.

I began packing again with more motivation than before.

Dinner that night was quiet. It was as if everyone sensed an end coming. Leah didn't speak once, which was out of the ordinary, she seemed to be staring at her food with a look of guilt on her face. Seth spent most of the meal narrowing his eyes at Leah and then glancing over at me as if he knew about our conversation from earlier. Charlie and Sue simply passed time taking a bite here and there and then looking around at all three of us.

Leah glanced up at me at one point and I let my eyes fall back down to my plate; it was barely touched.

"Alright, what's going on?" Sue demanded as she put her fork down, "and don't say "nothing" because I'm not foolish."

Seth looked at Leah, who looked at me, as I looked down at my plate again. I wasn't about to bring up the words Leah and I had shared earlier but I couldn't not say anything either. I made a quick decision, set down my own fork, and looked up at Sue and Charlie.

"I'm heading back to Phoenix this weekend" my voice was stronger than I had ever heard it.

Charlie's fork dropped to the table with a loud "clang" and Sue's face portrayed fear and disbelief. Charlie began shaking his head back and forth rapidly as if he couldn't believe the words that had come out of my mouth.

"Why?" asked Sue tentatively, "Is something the matter, Bella? Did something happen?" her eyes quickly shot over to Leah. Leah continued to stare down at her plate, the guilt on her face growing more and more apparent.

I wasn't about to take Leah down. She had done nothing wrong. She stated nothing but facts. I wasn't going to throw it back in her face.

"No, nothing like that" I murmured, "I just…it's time. I have so much left to take care of and I can't put it off any longer."

"Bells, we can help you with that. There is no need for you to do it all on your own." Charlie's voice sounded desperate and it broke my heart.

"I don't need help Da—Charlie." Charlie's eyes grew larger at my 'almost-slip' but I quickly diverted his attention, "I can handle it. I just really need to start my life again. I can't hole up here, become a new person, and forget about my life back there. I can't just walk away."

Charlie's lips thinned into a straight line as his jaw clenched. I could see the anger in his eyes and I felt actually fearful of him in that moment. Sue, on the other hand, looked confused and sad.

"Well, I don't want you to go" Said Seth with a smile, "I think you should just stay."

That was what I loved most about Seth. He was always so happy, always keeping every situation so light. His presence automatically put me at ease, "Thank you, Seth. But…I just have to do this."

I grabbed my plate, walked over to the sink to rinse it, and then headed upstairs to my room. I knew if I sat there any longer they'd eventually make me break my resolve and I couldn't let that happen. I was tired of being a coward and I was tired of hiding from reality. Leah had been right. I didn't belong here. I wasn't a Swan. I was only Charlie's daughter biologically. I barely knew Edward. Her words had definitely hit a chord, but I wasn't angry with her. I was grateful. Sometimes people just needed to remember their place and I had definitely allowed myself to get too comfortable here.

The next few days passed quickly, too quickly, and before I knew it Friday had arrived; my last day. I had phoned my lawyer to let him know I'd be returning soon. He had assured me that I still had time to change my mind and stick around a bit longer but I explained to him my desire to return; it didn't matter if it was a lie.

Charlie had barely spoken to me since that night at dinner, Sue always looked as if she were going to burst into tears whenever I was near, Leah kept her distance as usual, and Seth accepted my decision and demanded that we hang out as much as possible until I left. We had spent the last few days giving my car a "check-up" as he called it to make sure it would get me back to Arizona in one piece. Those days had been extremely entertaining between Seth's constant teasing about my lack of knowledge when it came to cars and my witty comebacks for each comment he made. I was going to miss the kid.

Since tonight was my last night Esme and Carlisle had decided to have an extravagant "going away" dinner for me and they wouldn't take no for an answer. I was on pins and needles during the ride over. I wasn't looking forward to facing Edward anymore than I was looking forward to leaving him. I could feel my heart break with every step I took up to his house. But, again, Leah had been right. Edward didn't know me. He didn't know how I'd turn out. My future was looking more and more bleak as I thought about it.

Carlisle answered the door with a sad smile on his face, "Right on time."

Charlie and Carlisle shook hands as Esme flitted over to hug Sue. She went right for once she was one with Sue's greeting and engulfed me in her arms. I could feel her face near my ear as she began to whisper, "You don't have to go anywhere. We really wish you would stay, sweetheart. Please just stay."

I fought back tears as I tightened my grip around Esme. In so many ways she was my portal to the past. She and Renee had been best friends for years; Esme had known my mom inside and out. She had seen the best years of my mom's life. Inside her were memories upon memories of the woman I'd never know. Leaving her felt like losing my mom all over again.

"I'll come back someday" I promised without knowing if I was telling the truth or not. I had no intention of intentionally disappearing or anything but I had no idea what would happen in the coming months. Besides, the Cullens' and Swans' could very easily forget me and go back to the lives they had been leading before I came in and shook everything up.

Esme pulled away and gave me a teary-eyed smile. I gulped down the lump in my throat before turning away. One more look at the woman and my resolve would disintegrate and she wasn't even the one I had been worried about breaking me.

I was soon greeted by Alice, Jasper, Rose, and Emmett. All four of them were extremely welcoming and I could sense no anger coming from any of them. Alice seemed a little out of sorts but she managed to plaster on a big smile anyway. I loved her for that.

It didn't take me long to notice a particular person's absence. Edward had yet to show his face and I began worrying he wouldn't pop up and I'd never get to say good-bye to him. I didn't ask Carlisle or Esme where he was though. I simply smiled and conserved with the big family praying he'd appear.

But he didn't. We talked, ate, had dessert, talked some more, and he was still nowhere to be found. I could feel panic bubbling up inside of me and I was having an extremely difficult time pushing it back down.

After a few minutes of fighting off an anxiety attack, Alice was suddenly at my side with concern pouring from her bright, blue eyes, "He's upstairs in his room" she whispered. I sent Alice a grateful smile before ducking out of the living room. I got to the stairs and realized that I had no idea where Edward's room was. I turned back towards the living room and saw Alice hold up three fingers. I nodded and headed up beautiful, rounding staircase.

I stood in front of Edward's door for several minutes. I wasn't sure if he wanted to see me—I was actually sure he didn't—but I had to say good-bye. Even though he deserved so much more, I had to give him that one thing.

I lightly tapped on the white wood and waited. Several seconds passed with no sound at all coming from behind the door. I tapped a little louder and pressed my ear against the surface to listen for any type of movement. I knew he was in there. I could just…feel him there.

"Edward…please" I knew he'd hear me and sure enough the door opened seconds later. He stood in the doorway in a faded t-shirt and ratty jeans that were hanging low in his hips. His hair was in worse dismay than usual as if he had been running his finger through it and his emerald eyes were dark with an emotion I wasn't sure I wanted to place.

I fiddled with my hands and stared at the ground. I felt so small at this moment. I could feel disappointment radiating from him and I couldn't stand it. I'd rather have him yell.

"Can we please talk?" I begged in a whisper, "Please…" I finally gained enough courage to look at him and saw the tightness of his jaw along with the tears in his eyes. I could feel another piece of my heart shatter.

He stepped away from the doorway and allowed me entrance. I only hesitated for a moment before walking though. His room was beautiful; a dream room, if you will. Two of the four walls were made of nothing but glass which allowed for an amazing view of the forest that lined the Cullens' property. On the two regular walls were shelves upon shelves of music. He had a beautiful bed with a golden comforter and a black leather couch pushed against the side of the room. It was also incredibly clean; not what you'd expect from a guy.

I stood in the middle of room uncertain if he would want me to sit or not. I watched as he walked over to his bed and sat with his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands. He wasn't making a single sound. He just sat there.

"I'm sorry" I whispered hoping he'd hear me, "I know you're angry-"

"I'm not angry" he said, cutting me off, "I don't know what I am but…I 'm not angry. Not at you."

I bit my lip as I tried to come up with some kind of reply. "I had to go back sometime, Edward. It's my home. It's where I belong."

He shook his head and lifted it from his hands, "You know my mom always used to say that home is where the heart is. I'm your home, Bella. Whether you'll ever admit that to yourself or not. I'm your home as you are mine. You belong where I belong and since I belong here so do you."

I smiled a watery smile as I felt my heart flutter with his words. I could just hear my heartbeat begging me to give into him and to let go of everything else. I wanted to. I wanted to see things through his eyes but I couldn't; just like he couldn't see through mine.

I wanted to speak but no words would come to me. My head was pounding in time with my heart and I felt like I couldn't see straight. Edward was everything anyone would want in a person; he was perfect. Deep down I knew I was making a mistake. Everyone gets that feeling; that feeling when you know you're doing something wrong, something you know that you're going to regret the moment it happens. And yet, it's rare that anyone stops themselves from committing the act. They think that they'll get over it once it's over and done with and that'll be that. I was no different.

I finally gained the courage to walk over to him. I kneeled right in front of his hunched over figure and placed my forehead on his knees. He didn't move for several moments nor did he tense at my being so close. He simply sat there obviously knowing that I had made my decision and for whatever delusional reason I wasn't backing down.

"I love you" I whispered softly. "I really do love you"

I felt his hands make contact with my hair and his head drop down onto mine. We were curling ourselves into a small ball where no one could touch us. I liked it there, hiding away with him. I entertained the crazy notion of running away with him somewhere until I realized how unlikely and stupid that was. He was in college, he had things to do and a family here he adored. I didn't have anything. I had a family that wasn't really mine for the claiming just like Edward wasn't mine for the claiming either.

"I love you too" he whispered back, "that's why you should stay. Stay with me. Come to Seattle with me. I have my own place and you'll live there with me. I'll help you start your life over."

His words were soothing and they allowed me a moment of peace; peace within the confines of my own mind where I could pretend we lived together, able to sleep in each other's arms each night and wake the same way each morning. It was a pretend world but a beautiful one nonetheless.

"I can't do that" my voice was trembling horribly I was surprised he could even make out my words, "I have a life down there, Edward. A life that I have to get back to. I can't run from my responsibilities."

He scoffed, "Bella, their mess isn't your problem!" Suddenly he had pushed me away and was standing, pacing back and forth with his long fingers in his beautiful hair, "They screwed up! They are the devils incarnate, I swear to God! I know what they did to you Bella! I have heard the words passed between our families, how you have these night terrors, this damned memories that keep you up! These bruises and cuts and gashes that more than likely lined your body up until their deaths! They're fucked up, Bella! And they fucked you up in the process!"

He was throwing a fit, a rightful one, but a fit nonetheless. I could feel his rage and it only made my decision to leave even more firm. This is what I caused. This is what I would do to him if I stayed. Renee's blood was in me and I truly believed that eventually, one way or another, I would end up just like her. I couldn't do to him what happened to Charlie.

I stood from the floor and stared Edward right in the eyes. He stopped his pacing, his hand still tangled in his hair, and stared right back at me with desperation flooding his emeralds. I could feel numbness take over my body to prepare me for what I was about to do. I had driven him and myself to this.

"Goodbye Edward"

"Bella, please!" he was screaming that over and over as I walked out of his bedroom.

The moment I closed his door behind me I could hear smashing, cursing, and screaming. I didn't let this stop me because this is what I did to people. This was the reaction I gained when I got too close to someone. This was the exact reason I had to go.

And I did.

The next morning around four when I knew everyone would still be sleeping, I crept away like a stalker in the middle of the night. I packed my things into my car and began the drive back to Phoenix where I couldn't hurt him or anyone else anymore.

**Author's Note:**

**I know it's a bit shorter than usual and I know you deserve a much longer chapter since I made you wait so long but this is how it has to be ****. I am sorry it took so long. MANY things have gone on in the past weeks. School started back up (I'm up to 18 credit hours this semester) I'm doing an internship (24 hours a week) and I have my normal job at Wal-Mart *gags* (25 hours a week) so as you can see I'm completely overbooked. Overworked and underpaid, right? And to add insult to injury I have recently discovered my grandmother has cancer but she is getting treatment and we are all praying for a miracle. And today I found out a dear friend of mine from high school lost her father last night from a heart attack. It's just been insanity. So again, I apologize and I hope that these chapters will start filtering in faster for you. **

**Much love Lovies!**

**-Sarah**


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